Lust vs. Love

lust |ləst|

noun

very strong sex­ual desire : he knew that his lust for her had returned.

[in sing. ] a pas­sion­ate desire for some­thing : a lust for power.

(usu. lusts) chiefly The­ol­ogy a sen­sual appetite regarded as sin­ful : lusts of the flesh.

Yes, of course, we all know the dif­fer­ence. We talk about love, sing songs, write poems and recite quotes, express it to oth­ers, cher­ish it and gen­er­ally put it on an emo­tional pedestal. We all know that “Love makes the world go round.” Or, do we some­times con­fuse that ever present and overused word “love”, with another word which is “sin­ful”, not to be men­tioned in not only polite soci­ety, but some­how regarded as weak­ness prop­a­gated for cen­turies by most reli­gions as unde­sir­able. This dreaded word is, of course you’ve guessed it, LUST.

Yet, I sug­gest that these two words, love and lust, are much more inter­change­able in our lives than we would like to admit. This some­how applies to men more often than women, which is not to say that women are immune to lust. On the con­trary, it can be just as strong a dri­ving force in a rela­tion­ship although most of the time does not lead to a long-lasting and happy partnership.

Of course, as we can see from the def­i­n­i­tion above, lust is closely con­nected with sex. Although you may lust for money or ice cream, this is not what we are talk­ing about here.

This arti­cle is about being able to dis­tin­guish between love and sex. Why, you may ask. As I men­tioned in pre­vi­ous arti­cles, being present to, and con­scious of what is real and what we imag­ine in our own minds can and will make the dif­fer­ence in your abil­ity to make sound choices and cre­ate your own hap­pi­ness. How many bro­ken rela­tion­ships and mar­riages have you known that started with a cou­ple being “madly in love.” Maybe it was one of your own. The divorce rate in the mil­i­tary is about 80–90% mostly due to young peo­ple hav­ing sex for the first time, falling in love (read: lust) and get­ting mar­ried, and the num­bers tell you what the out­come is for the most part.

How many times have you con­fused love and lust? How many times have you told a woman that you love her just to get her into bed. How many times have you actu­ally believed it if you are a woman? What were the con­se­quences? How many hearts have been bro­ken because peo­ple could not dis­tin­guish between the two?

Men and women usu­ally “fall in love” for dif­fer­ent rea­sons. Real, uncon­di­tional love has noth­ing to do with this phrase. For men, qual­i­ties, which mostly have to do with sex, i.e. looks, are impor­tant. By their good looks women are sub­con­sciously flaunt­ing their fer­til­ity. And, women know very well how to do it: thus, make-up, tat­toos, boob implants, high heels and such. For a woman, what is more impor­tant is the approval of her attrac­tive­ness and man’s abil­ity to sat­isfy her other needs. For a woman lust is rarely first on the list. Be aware, if sex hap­pens to be first on your list if you are a woman, run as fast as you can if you do not want an almost cer­tain break up in the near future.

This is in a nut­shell, how we oper­ate in rela­tion­ships. Our wants and needs go hand in hand. Nature has designed our mat­ing game to per­fec­tion. Our “self­ish genes” are ful­fill­ing their self­ish agenda very well — too well some­times. (There are 6,500,000,000 peo­ple on earth mostly poor and strug­gling for survival.)

Yet, we like to think of our­selves as con­scious beings in con­trol of our actions and lives. Noth­ing can be fur­ther from the truth; lust and sex are the most ancient and the strongest impulses that are hard to con­trol. Yet there is hope. The vehi­cle to knowl­edge is lan­guage. The vehi­cle to wis­dom and hap­pi­ness is the con­stant expan­sion of our aware­ness of the dis­tinc­tion between real­ity and our inter­pre­ta­tions of it. In other words, call­ing a spade a spade might help. Timely dis­tin­guish­ing between lust and love may save you from a life­time of suffering.

In the end I would like to make clear that despite what the church, your mother or soci­ety says, there is noth­ing wrong with “lust of the flash. Lust is a hormone-driven nat­ural process aimed at repro­duc­tion and it is hard to fight. As long as we do not con­fuse it with love we can put it to our ser­vice instead of being its slave.

Love and lust! Just know the difference.

Radomir

http://www.RelationshipSaver.org/

http://www.GamelessRelationship.com/

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