To Agree Or Not To Agree? That Is The Question.

May 11, 2011

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Category: Awareness, Communication


To Agree Or Not To Agree? That Is The Question.

One of the main strate­gies for repair­ing your rela­tion­ship that I men­tion in The Rela­tion­ship Saver is that you must ALWAYS agree with your part­ner. This state­ment may cause you to imme­di­ately reject my sug­ges­tion, mainly for the rea­son of pride and self-respect.  Here are some exam­ples of what may be going through your mind:

- Why would I agree to a break-up if I don’t want it?

- How can I agree with her when she is wrong?

- If I agree to a divorce it will ruin our fam­ily and kids, and I will be just as respon­si­ble for a break up as he is and I am not the one who wants to leave, he is.

- I don’t want the sep­a­ra­tion, and if I agree it will make it easy for him to leave.

- I can­not lie and pre­tend. I am an hon­est person.

- Only peo­ple with­out their own opin­ion and of a weak char­ac­ter always go along with what­ever oth­ers want. I am not like that. No one tells me what to do.

- Please add your own….

What­ever rea­sons you may have for not agree­ing, it will make things even worse, and why agree­ing with your part­ner will not only pro­duce the results that you want, but also make you stronger, more respected and more desir­able to be with.

First, let me make one thing clear: you may be think­ing that you don’t want to ”play games,” that it is not hon­est to say what you do not mean, which it is basi­cally called lying. May I remind you: you have been play­ing games all along and you prob­a­bly were not even aware of it. Your game play­ing has brought your rela­tion­ship to this place. You may not agree with me about this, but if you look deep enough, you will see that your behav­ior was not always appro­pri­ate. Think about the times when you were mak­ing him wrong, dis­re­spect­ing him, push­ing and insist­ing, inval­i­dat­ing his efforts and try­ing to con­trol the sit­u­a­tion. Yes you were play­ing games, and unless you start play­ing a dif­fer­ent game noth­ing will change. You can stop play­ing games when your rela­tion­ship gets back on the right track again, or when you start a new rela­tion­ship. In the mean­time, you must change the rules of the game and give your part­ner a chance to react to the dif­fer­ent you. And, react he will.

Think about this: when you are con­fronted with a choice between being hon­est and being kind in any par­tic­u­lar sit­u­a­tion, which one would you choose most of the time? If you are an hon­est per­son you may choose to rather be hon­est. If you do, you may be opt­ing to spend the rest of your life alone. Being hon­est is in at least 80% of cases incon­sid­er­ate, dis­re­spect­ful, self­ish, self-centered, ego­cen­tric and such, thus alien­at­ing peo­ple left and right. Yes, some­times you must be hon­est. Com­mu­ni­cat­ing how you feel, or get­ting oth­ers to see the real­ity of the sit­u­a­tion is some­times not only ben­e­fi­cial but nec­es­sary, although not always pleas­ant or kind. But you can do that only with peo­ple with whom you are on the same page, who you agree with, who respect your opin­ion and who are ready and will­ing to lis­ten. Oth­er­wise, you may just as well be talk­ing to the walls.

On the other hand, kind­ness requires respect for other’s point of view. When­ever you dis­agree with some­one you make them WRONG. It makes no dif­fer­ence if you know you are right. Your part­ner thinks she is right too, thus the dis­agree­ment. No one likes to be made wrong and it cer­tainly does not lead to rec­on­cil­i­a­tion. If you’d rather be right than have your rela­tion­ship back then go ahead. But if you want to get your part­ner back, AGREE with her about EVERYTHING. And when I say agree, I do not mean to agree with him just because he would like you to. What I mean is that you trust that his idea, for exam­ple to break up, is a good one. Say so. See a bright side to it. Tell her that it would be a great oppor­tu­nity for both of you to see other peo­ple and date again. And don’t just say it, go out and do it. What kind of reac­tion do you think it may pro­duce? He will be fly­ing back to your arms as soon as he sees that oth­ers are inter­ested in you.  Think about what you would do in that sit­u­a­tion. He would do the same. We are all human. Well, it’s a game. If it’s worth play­ing, it’s worth play­ing well.

Only your best will be suf­fi­cient. :-)

By the way, I have never seen a women leave a man who always cheer­fully agrees with her (an vice versa). Keep that in mind.




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