Here is how you can, with one almost magical touch, not only repair, but have your relationship back again.
One of the first things I say in The Relationship Saver is that if you want to start repairing your relationship you will have to start agreeing with your partner. The first think that may think about when I say this may be something like, “Why or how should I agree when he/she ______.” Before you start defending your position on this issue stop and think what result you want to achieve. I presume that you want him/her to change their mind and agree with your point of view. Of course you do, because your point of view is better, right, fair, correct, easier, more logical, etc., and, it may very well be so. But, again, think about what outcome you want and whether forcing the outcome would work. You might have noticed that it does not, especially in confronting situations. When your relationship is fine, when you are in love, when you have nothing to lose including your face and your pride it is easy to agree, but in a situation when things are not going well, survival kicks in and you are driven to protect yourself and coerce your partner to be on your side so that you can feel safe again. Saying no in such situations is automatic, backed up with sheer hope that if you say no over and over again that somehow he/she will see the light. Well, in case you haven’t noticed, it almost never works. Your partner finds him/herself in the same situation like you, defending his/her position and trying to survive the situation just as well as you do. So, your instinctual reaction to a disagreement from your partner is to disagree as well and then the relationship rapidly spirals downward out of control. Although it may be counter intuitive, to stop the downward spiral from plummeting you need to stop reacting. Notice that re-action means taking the same action over and over again. The way out of this quagmire is to do something totally opposite: AGREE. Start saying yes. Since no does not work any more, yes might, and this is why. Saying yes is unexpected. It interferes with the flow of the downward spiral, stops the process of reacting to one another. When he says that he is going to do something that you may not agree with and you put a cog in the wheel by saying okay, at that moment he will have to take responsibility for his actions. At that moment he does not have to react to you any more by doing it “just because ______.” By saying yes you may not stop her from doing what she is bent on doing anyway, but by being okay with whatever she wants to do you will stop the animosities in your relationship. I should mention that by saying yes it does not mean that you actually want your partner to go through with his choice action, and of course he will know that , but what you will do is show respect for his decisions even if you do not like them.
As you might have noticed, saying Nay most often does not make the world comply with our wishes, but by saying Yea we get in tune and agreement with reality instead asking reality to change to our wishes. It never does anyway. In The Relationship Saver one of the first rules for repairing your relationship is being happy. It is no coincidence that the first rule of comedy improv is never to say “no”, because it stops the conversation in it’s tracks. You must have heard it before that if you want to have a effective communication never say “yes but” because it has the same meaning as no. Instead you may say “yes and” which means “I agree”. Agreeing with your partner is another recommendation of The Relationship Saver.
In conclusion, the first step to change is being able to be profoundly related to what is. Unless you are able to fall in line with the reality of the situation, you have no hope of changing it. Living in a la-la land of your thoughts and wishes, divorced from reality and negating it, is not only ineffective and unrealistic, it is downright childish. It is time to grow up even if you do not want to, for your own sake!!!