Are You In An Abusive Marriage?

Are You In An Abu­sive Mar­riage?
Copy­right © 2007 Cathi Adams
Divorce Secrets

If a woman is not phys­i­cally or sex­u­ally abused by her hus­band,
peo­ple gen­er­ally con­clude there is no abuse. But women should
give this ques­tion more seri­ous thought. Abuse need not be
ver­bal, phys­i­cal or sex­ual. These types of abuse are suf­fi­cient
grounds to head straight for the divorce courts because a
phys­i­cally or sex­u­ally abu­sive part­ner needs pro­fes­sional help.

Abuse is a dan­ger­ous ele­ment in a mar­riage. Some­times, divorce is
the only solu­tion because a woman who is con­sis­tently abused will
have noth­ing left of her soul. Her self-esteem dis­ap­pears and she
will begin to think that she deserves nei­ther respect nor love
from her hus­band. She will uncon­sciously heap the blame on
her­self for the unhappy mar­riage. Men who con­sciously or
uncon­sciously ver­bally abuse their wives are not aware of the
con­se­quences of their deeds. Some­times ver­bal abuse can be worse
than phys­i­cal abuse.

There is, how­ever, another kind of abuse that can occur in a
mar­riage and is often ignored because no phys­i­cal harm is
involved. We’re refer­ring to eco­nomic abuse or more com­monly
known as eco­nomic dom­i­na­tion. This type of abuse is rarely
dis­cussed in ther­apy cir­cles because it takes a back seat to
phys­i­cal, ver­bal or sex­ual abuse.

Suf­fice it to say that eco­nomic dom­i­na­tion can be just as
emo­tion­ally dev­as­tat­ing to a woman. Imag­ine a once vibrant woman
who, when sin­gle, had a good cor­po­rate job, earned an excel­lent
salary and had the respect of her col­leagues at work. One day she
meets the man of her dreams and falls in love. They get mar­ried,
but lit­tle does she know that he wants her to stay home and be a
full time home­maker. She becomes preg­nant even if she isn’t
ready to be a mother. Deep down, she feels that she is hap­pi­est
when pur­su­ing her career.

How is a woman like her who thrives in an intel­lec­tual milieu
going to fare when faced with eco­nomic dom­i­na­tion by her

Eco­nomic abuse in a mar­riage is evi­dent in these circumstances:

* telling his wife to quit her job so she can stay home and take
care of the kids,

* con­fis­cat­ing his wife’s assets and other finan­cial resources
and for­bid­ding her from han­dling money or incur­ring expenses that
he does not allow,

* using his wife’s finan­cial assets to his advan­tage and
depriv­ing her of her rights to enjoy what is finan­cially and
right­fully hers,

* tak­ing away his wife’s credit cards and pro­vid­ing only a
suf­fi­cient amount of money to pay for the day-to-day.

A vari­a­tion of this eco­nomic abuse is also appar­ent in a
rela­tion­ship where the hus­band allows his wife to work, but
regains con­trol of her pay check and does not give her the
oppor­tu­nity to make any finan­cial deci­sions. We once knew a woman
at work who made good money and who man­aged to rise up the ranks
because she was hard­work­ing and knew how to make her­self
indis­pens­able to the com­pany. She never joined her co-workers for
lunch out­ings or shop­ping sprees because she didn’t have a
sin­gle cent on her. We asked her once why she never had any money
on her when every­one else was envi­ous of her salary.

Her answer: “My hus­band con­trols the purse strings. I don’t know
what he does with my pay check. I dare not ask.”

Are you in a mar­riage where you suf­fer from eco­nomic abuse?

© 2007 Cathi Adams.

Cathi Adams is the author of “Divorce Secrets: What Every Women
Should Know.” This invalu­able resource pro­vides steps to ensure
finan­cial secu­rity to woman faced with the pos­si­bil­ity of
divorce. Visit her web site for a FREE report –What You
Absolutely Must Know Before You Even THINK About Get­ting
A Divorce:

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Comments (1)

Ava@abusive relationship

March 7th, 2010 at 9:50 AM    

I help peo­ple in abu­sive rela­tion­ships and I’ve read your post, very nice, thanks! Wish to share this inspi­ra­tional say­ing — “So many of our dreams at first seem impos­si­ble, then they seem improb­a­ble, and then, when we sum­mon the will, they soon become inevitable.”

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