Change is a very popular topic. You either want it, don’t want it, or it is forced upon you. In any case, change is inevitable. They say it is the only thing that stays constant. Very clever, and deeeeeep — in a cosmic sense. But how do we deal with it in our lives, on the court?
When change occurs it happens on all levels: personal, social, behavioral and cultural or relational. Or rather, if change is to take effect it has to occur in all of these four areas whether we like it or not.
Change may be thrown upon you, such as when you are being unexpectedly dumped by your loved one. The change in your relationship is a cultural change. It occurs in a relationship between two people. And not only two people, it has a ripple effect on most of the people you know. Their relationship to you may also change.
Spatial change occurs in your environment; you may need to move out, change or find a job, etc.
Your behavior is bound to change as well. Things you used to do you don’t do any more, or you start doing things you never used to before, like drinking, etc. Remember, you have been dumped. It’s not easy on your emotional life. You may be devastated. You may be going through emotional stages similar to people who hear that they have three months left to live.
All in all, you are in a big hole, emotionally and otherwise. Changes like these can be devastating. So, where do you start the recovery process? In The Relationship Saver I say, “be happy”. Yes, right! Easier said than done, you will notice.
Here is the first step. Start from your internal processes, with yourself. The reason being that the only element you have control over is YOU. (I know: it would be much easier if others would change to accommodate your wishes, but that’s not going to happen.) Since change is thrown upon you, in order to turn it around, the first thing you need to do is CHANGE YOUR MIND. About what? You might ask.
First, let’s distinguish what I mean by mind in this case, before we go about changing it. What I mean by your mind is your point of view, literally, the point from which you see the world. Since everyone has a different point of view, obviously there is not ONE point of view to observe the world, or in this case, the present situation of being dumped.
Changing your mind or point of view is often difficult to do because we identify with our point of view, this is who we are, this is what we believe and letting go is as scary as losing ourselves in oblivion. We think if we change our point of view we have a weak character or that we are abandoning our values and beliefs, which we think make us who we are. Nothing can be further from the truth. Open-minded people often change their mind depending on the reality with which they are presented. You may believe in the sanctity of marriage, for instance, but such marriages are supposed to be perfect marriages, nothing like the one you may be in now. Changing your mind by realizing that your marriage is what it is now and not what it should be, is the first step. Is this marriage what you want or something that you used to have? Obviously not. So instead of holding onto your idea of how things should be, start thinking about what to do next. Many people in such a situation say: “But I love him/her I don’t want us to separate.” No, you love the person who was, not the one who is now.
Changing your mind about your needs is another big step. You really do not need him/her. It is your fear talking. Do not listen to it. Do you consider yourself “brave” or a “weakling”? Follow your highest self and you will change your mind much more easily. Being a victim brings a sweet cozy feeling for a while, but in the long run it is pathetic and disgusting, especially if you are a self-proclaimed victim, which is how it is most of the time. You HAVE everything you need. Change your mind about that and your life will change.
When you change the way you look at yourself everything changes, including your behavior. Changing your circle of friends and/or the place you live and work will most likely be a welcome change in the long run. Stop controlling your destiny. You cannot. You will only make more mistakes. You can only create your future and the time to do it is ALWAYS now.
Click HERE for The Relationship Saver, The Fast Track Manual for Saving your Relationship.