Integrity In Relationships

Here is the theme and the state­ment of the day:  In order for any rela­tion­ship to work and have any last­ing prospect of exis­tence what it must have first and fore­most is INTEGRITY.

So, what is this thing we call integrity? We use the word usu­ally in rela­tion­ship with oth­ers, like politi­cians, busi­ness peo­ple, and such. We can say when ‘those peo­ple’ have no integrity. How often do we think about and con­sider our own integrity? Do we know when we are in integrity and when we are not?

In the con­text of who we are in our rela­tion­ships there are at least three lev­els of integrity to consider:

1. Obey the rules. This means the rules that you implic­itly or explic­itly agreed to keep. Like from “always wipe your shoes before you enter the house” and “ you stop at the stop sign” to “we do not call each other names” and every­thing you can pos­si­bly think of in between.
2. Keep your word. This means keep­ing your promises and hon­or­ing your word as you would honor your­self as well as hon­or­ing what oth­ers expect you to do and doing what you know that you should do even if you did not say you would do it. (Well, you may want to read this one again.)
3. Be con­sis­tent with who you say you are or who you want oth­ers to regard you to be. If you are a spouse, be a good one and the one you are expected to be. Peo­ple expect you to be cer­tain way and do, or not do cer­tainn things. It is a mat­ter of integrity to meet their expectations.

With­out integrity NOTHING works. The mean­ing of the word ‘integrity’ is ‘whole and com­plete.’ If it is out of integrity it means it is dis-integrated, there­fore it can­not work. So what has this got to do with us? You may even say if we dis­in­te­grate we die. Well, not so dras­tic, any­way. Our body is intact but our char­ac­ter and who we are per­ceived to be, there­fore our suc­cess in any under­tak­ing includ­ing rela­tion­ships is at stake. I hope you get the point.

Aware­ness exer­cise: Pay atten­tion to:
–How often you break rules even if no one notices it.
–How often you break your promises no mat­ter how small on insignif­i­cant they are.
–How often you are not at your best in any role you assigned your­self to be.
–How often you do not ful­fill another’s expec­ta­tions.
Try to be 100% (and no less) in integrity for any amount of time. Notice if any­thing changes.

Please share your expe­ri­ances with us.
Also, please feel fre to ask any ques­tions as well.

Thank you


The Rela­tion­ship Saver

The Game­less Relationship


Comments (2)


August 25th, 2009 at 3:47 AM    

How do you deal with another person’s lack of integrity?
There are things I have ‘prob­lems’ with…lack of hon­esty, truth, trust, faith etc that I want to be rec­i­p­ro­cated. I under­stand I can’t dictate/control another per­son in any way, nor do I attempt to, but how do I deal with con­fronting another per­sons lies with­out insti­gat­ing anger from them, and resolving/gaining under­stand­ing and remain ‘whole’ myself.
For instance, my part­ner has his ‘para­mour’ in a sort of ‘hold­ing bay’ in case it goes wrong with me. I’m not sup­posed to know, but she keeps pop­ping into my world by acci­dent, on con­tact phone lists, pho­tographs, etc… When I point her out my part­ner goes into an inno­cent, protest too much denial. I can’t reach the truth from him at all. I’m not going to insist that he ban­ishes her or else, I want to insist that she is not a secret friend/lover. I want to know why/how she is in my world. He is step­ping way over my bound­aries, I am los­ing my integrity and don’t know what to do about keep­ing it apart from walk away.

Lorraine Baillie Bowie

June 21st, 2012 at 6:36 PM    

To me, per­sonal integrity means that who you say you are is exactly how you try to act. I just pub­lished a rela­tion­ship book and devoted a whole chap­ter to integrity and authen­tic­ity. I was happy to see your excel­lent arti­cle on the sub­ject. Love your writing.

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