How To Make Your Man Happy

After I say, “Give him sex when­ever he wants it,” I prob­a­bly have noth­ing else to add. But WAIT, there is a lit­tle more to it although not nearly as much as a woman* would require for her happiness.

The nat­ural instinct of men* is to “dom­i­nate.” That’s where it all starts. Men want to be deci­sion mak­ers and in charge, although the real­ity is that women always are. Men just don’t know it on a con­scious level. If you do not han­dle it right your man may become either openly or pas­sively aggres­sive. He is phys­i­cally stronger and his last resort is to use force. Be that as it may, you need to play a woman’s game. You are a woman; you should instinc­tively know how to do it. Play­ing a power game with a man is not a good idea.

Let him be in charge

So, to make your man happy you need to give him the illu­sion that he is in charge. This should be very easy to do because men LOVE help­ing women and solv­ing prob­lems. (Have you noticed how men are not so good at just lis­ten­ing? Men offer you solu­tions and help when you don’t even need it nor ask for it.) Start appre­ci­at­ing his enthu­si­asm and sense of respon­si­bil­ity for your prob­lems as well as his eager­ness to help you solve them. That’s how he expresses his love. He does not nec­es­sar­ily want to “fix” you. He owns your problems.

Men love and are proud of being able to pro­vide for and sup­port their woman, which can­not be said for women who really hate being the bread­win­ner of the family.

Give him his own space, phys­i­cal as well as mental

Phys­i­cally he needs his “cave,” his space where he can be undis­turbed doing his own thing. This may be a work­shop, garage, office, a den or a cor­ner in the home that he can call his own where he “reigns supreme.” He should be able to do what­ever he wants in that space: sort out his col­lec­tions, make some­thing, read, write, watch foot­ball, or just do nothing.

Men­tal space is also very impor­tant. It may come as a sur­prise to you but men often think of NOTHING. They need to do that occa­sion­ally. So do not force a con­ver­sa­tion if he does not want to have one NOW. He’ll come back to it when he is ready.

Learn to take what a man says at face value. He means what he says. Stop look­ing for hid­den mean­ings as to what comes out of his mouth. When he says that he is busy and can­not talk to you now, it does not mean that he does not love you. It means “he is busy and that he can­not talk to you now.”

Too sim­ple for you? Yes, that is the real­ity about men. They are VERY SIMPLE, for bet­ter or for worse. Also, men do not express their emo­tions as much as women do. Men can con­trol their thoughts and their feel­ings, but it does not mean that they do not have them. It is a 50,000 year-old sur­vival strat­egy. Try not to ques­tion it and make him into an overly sen­si­tive man. Do not try to turn him into a per­fect hairy woman. One, you will not suc­ceed, but if you do, he’ll change just to please you. Two, if you suc­ceed even par­tially, you will not like what you have.

Show respect

As much as women are about secu­rity, mostly emo­tional secu­rity that is, men are about respect. Notwith­stand­ing the fact that adults should earn respect and not be given it freely, there are some areas where your man will love you and respect you back if you show respect for his inter­ests and hob­bies, as well as sup­port him socially.

In other words, do not put down his inter­est in motor­cy­cles, his gun and knife col­lec­tion, cars, sports, or even bal­let. He loves his inter­ests and if you ask him why, he may even be eager to explain it to you at length and in detail, if you have the patience to lis­ten. If you do not respect his inter­ests he will with­draw, resent you, hide it from you etc., which obvi­ously would make him very unhappy.

If you respect him and are sup­port­ive of him in pub­lic, among friends and fam­ily, he will inter­pret it as the purest form of love on your part. “Praise in pub­lic, crit­i­cize in pri­vate,” as the adage goes.

If you want to per­pet­u­ate the attrac­tion in your rela­tion­ship, keep the gap between fem­i­nin­ity and mas­culin­ity as wide as pos­si­ble. If a woman adopts too many male char­ac­ter­is­tics and a man vice versa, the roles may reverse, attrac­tion will evap­o­rate to be replaced by either con­flict or indif­fer­ence. No one rel­ishes the prospects of this happening.

These are char­ac­ter­is­tics which apply to most men­tally healthy men. Of course, there are indi­vid­ual dif­fer­ences, but do not assume that your man is so com­pletely dif­fer­ent that most of the above do not apply to him. If that is the case, he may be a woman, or he may be reluc­tant to exer­cise his “man­li­ness” with you. Con­sider that he may be try­ing to please you too much.

Good luck.

*Note: When I say a man and a woman, I mean male and female energy and nat­ural, genetic char­ac­ter­is­tics. (I talk about it at some length in The Game­less Rela­tion­ship.) Every human being has both char­ac­ter­is­tics. Men have more male and women have more female, and that can some­what vary from per­son to per­son and sit­u­a­tion to situation.


Comments (12)


June 29th, 2012 at 4:34 PM    

Well said, Radomir. But you left out a crit­i­cal area of plea­sure and love that inhab­its the heart of every man. Food. If a woman cooks her man a fresh meal… and let’s him enjoy it in rel­a­tive peace and free from hear­ing her list of trou­bles… ir’s going to have a very pos­i­tive impact on the relationship.


June 30th, 2012 at 11:04 AM    

Wow … Just like the com­ments in the arti­cle for Men to make women happy — I wish I’d read this ear­lier!
– never too late — thanks for the easy to under­stand & frank descrip­tions of how the oppo­site specie is think­ing or oper­at­ing. This will help going forward.


June 30th, 2012 at 6:28 PM    

Indeed. A very impor­tant point. :-)


March 12th, 2013 at 5:10 PM    

This is all very well say­ing give a man space, but to what point does it get too much? I’ve read your ebook so many times, I feel I know it off by heart. How­ever how can I remain happy when he is mak­ing me mis­er­able? I tried to be happy tonight, it seemed really false! How does he repay me? by going out and leav­ing his phone switched off! He prob­a­bly has a flat bat­tery as he keeps for­get­ting to put it on charge! He came back to me a week ago say­ing he wanted to give our mar­riage another go. So far he has been out twice, the first time he was home late in the early hours of the morn­ing and the sec­ond time he was out all night :( He’s out again tonight, but this time he’s got work. At what point do you say enough is enough?


March 13th, 2013 at 12:43 AM    

- Your rela­tion­ship is bound to fail­ure if you expect him to make you happy. Hap­pi­ness is YOUR respon­si­bil­ity. In real­ity no one can make you mis­er­able. You have prob­a­bly allowed him to walk all over you and let him cross your bound­aries (if you have any.)
– Tit-for-tat has no place in a relationship.You do your best and if he is con­sis­tently, con­sciously and inten­tion­ally tak­ing advan­tage of you, than it’s your call: do you want to be a vic­tim, or get out. When enough is enough is up to you.


July 28th, 2013 at 12:55 AM    

I love the com­ments on respect and men need­ing to be uplifted and sup­ported in pub­lic. I remem­ber a guy I was going out with com­plain­ing about his pre­vi­ous part­ner and his mother together mak­ing jokes about his per­ceived lack of abil­ity to get things done quickly– it made him very cranky, and he car­ried that resentment.

My last boyfreind dropped me because he said I needed to get fit­ter and also because he said he did not feel val­ued. What do men want us to value is there a generic thing or is it unique to each individual.

P.S I am really tired of gen­er­alised neg­a­tive com­ments that are wrapped up in humour about the male sex, and for that mat­ter the female sex. Am I being overly sen­si­tive or purist. I feel it is impor­tant to honor each other.

Brent Coats

July 30th, 2013 at 4:21 AM    

What a bunch of insult­ing, stereo­typ­i­cal and manip­u­la­tive rub­bish!! ‘So, to make your man happy you need to give him the illu­sion that he is in charge.’ ‘…although the real­ity is that women always are. Men just don’t know it on a con­scious level.’ If the women I know treated their hus­bands so manip­u­la­tively , they’d be divorced in min­utes! As for ‘These are char­ac­ter­is­tics which apply to most men­tally healthy men. Of course, there are indi­vid­ual dif­fer­ences, but do not assume that your man is so com­pletely dif­fer­ent that most of the above do not apply to him. If that is the case, he may be a woman…’ Why do so many peo­ple think that nearly every male and female are so vir­tu­ally com­pletely dif­fer­ent as to be this insult­ing? I spent my life learn­ing to know peo­ple as indi­vid­u­als and, guess what, there are many more dif­fer­ences between peo­ple — regard­less of gen­der — than sim­i­lar­i­ties. I know there are gen­der com­mon­al­i­ties, but I’ve also dis­cov­ered that many of these I’ve seen are because peo­ple expect them to exist, so they act with gen­der com­mon­al­i­ties to fit in, or not feel ‘unusual’. By the way, don’t ever think your man is a woman if he doesn’t come across as Daniel Craig.
This book sounds dan­ger­ous for rela­tion­ships if its about the woman manip­u­lat­ing the man. The best way to cre­ate a happy rela­tion­ship is to be hon­est about what you want, lis­ten to what the other wants and, defi­nately, learn about them, let them be what they really are, and accept them!


August 8th, 2013 at 9:26 AM    

I agree with Brent about his conclusion:“The best way to cre­ate a happy rela­tion­ship is to be hon­est about what you want, lis­ten to what the other wants and, def­i­nitely, learn about them, let them be what they really are, and accept them!” Act­ing hon­estly with oth­ers pre­dis­poses that one is hon­est with one­self first. Unfor­tu­nately our sub­con­scious dri­ves our behav­ior much more strongly than we can guess. Con­sciously we may not want to “manip­u­late” our part­ners but women being smaller and phys­i­cally weaker are “pro­gramed” for their sur­vival to approach their rela­tion­ship with a man with more cau­tion than being sim­ply “hon­est.” Men can afford to do that which, as we well know, can get him in big trou­ble. (Just try being hon­est with a women about her weight gain.) So, this behav­ior in a rela­tion­ship may look as manip­u­la­tion, but it cer­tainly makes both par­ties happy.


August 9th, 2013 at 1:17 PM    

Radomir, You say ‘As much as women are about secu­rity, mostly emo­tional secu­rity that is, men are about respect’. How about finan­cial secu­rity? a lot of women seem to respect men or are hap­pier with men with a higher earn­ing abil­ity. Does this mean vice versa that they show or have less respect, more resent­ment if the man earns less .i.e. has less resources to ‘treat’ her.
How would the guy or women address this sit­u­a­tion to make things bet­ter and is there a tip­ping point when it becomes a deal breaker for women?


August 11th, 2013 at 11:33 AM    

I have seen many men who are proud and happy to pro­vide for their fam­ily, but I have never seen a woman who was proud and happy to be a “bread earner” in the fam­ily. Doesn’t that tell you something?

If you earn less money than your wife, or a girl­friend, there are cou­ple of things you can do. One, do not feel guilty about it. If you could earn more, I’m sure you would. Do not allow your­self to behave in a way that reflects your “lack of man­li­ness” due to a lower income. Two, talk to your spouse and make sure that you are not going to give up who you are just because she earns more than you do. In other words, make clear that you are not going to put your­self into a sub­servient posi­tion just because she “brings the bacon”. Aware­ness is the key. Good rela­tion­ships can­not be threat­ened by money issues. By the same token, no women should fell infe­rior because she is being “sup­ported” by a man, although this seems to be a cul­tural norm that many man eagerly adopt to the detri­ment of their relationship.


June 23rd, 2014 at 9:29 AM    

Yes, a man sure does need to feel appre­ci­ated and loved in order to feel like the man in the relationship.


September 2nd, 2014 at 9:18 PM    

It’s inter­est­ing to hear how dif­fer­ent men are ver­sus women.

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