How To Make Your Woman Happy

Note: What fol­lows does not apply to ALL the women ALL the time, but in major­ity sit­u­a­tions it could be very use­ful and right on the mark.

I shall attempt to lay out as suc­cinctly as I can a guide to most com­mon issues we, men, need to deal with in our rela­tion­ships with our women. Too often we for­get that we are deal­ing with a “dif­fer­ent species” i.e. female Homo Sapi­ens and by default, if we want to be nice, we treat them the way we want to be treated. That’s what we have been told: “Do unto the oth­ers as you would have them do unto you.” Wrong! When deal­ing with the oppo­site sex, in fact with oth­ers in gen­eral, we should use the mod­i­fi­ca­tion of this rule:  “Do unto oth­ers as they would have it done to them­selves”. In other word treat oth­ers as they want to be treated.

Well, the prob­lem arises when you have no idea how oth­ers (women) want to be treated. Espe­cially when it changes all the time depend­ing on cir­cum­stances and on con­stantly chang­ing feel­ings that women are so good at. Men are cer­tainly dis­ad­van­taged in this area. The best we can do is to become good at a guess­ing game. So often we find our­selves with a foot in our mouth not under­stand­ing what hap­pened and how we got there, although we treated our very much loved woman exactly the way we would want to be treated.

Here I will try to out­line some “rules” that will keep your foot where it belongs, on the floor.

Since this arti­cle is aimed at men I will deal with this issue in bul­let points. Here are some of the basic rules when deal­ing with a woman we love:

• First and fore­most: take full respon­si­bil­ity for what comes out of your mouth as well as how you choose to inter­pret what you hear.

• Reas­sur­ance. Our women need to be told that we love them. We erro­neously think that our actions like work­ing and pro­vid­ing for the fam­ily clearly com­mu­ni­cates our love for her. We often think that the more we work the stronger is the mes­sage of our love. Wrong again. Noth­ing can sub­sti­tute look­ing in her eyes and telling her: “I love you.”

• Emo­tions. Women emote very dif­fer­ently then we do. A woman hav­ing a dif­fused focus as opposed to single-focus of us, men, can­not con­trol what thoughts come into their head. Thoughts trig­ger emo­tions and we men find our­selves in trou­ble, not know­ing what hit us. There is no logic and no con­nec­tion to the present sit­u­a­tion. We can­not con­nect dots and We start ask­ing our­selves what did we do wrong. Most likely noth­ing. Feel­ings some­times go ram­pant in a woman. She can­not con­trol it. She can­not choose  what to think about. Say­ing “Don’t think about it”  does not help. Try to close the issue by resolv­ing the con­cern. Of course you need to find out what the real con­cern is and that may take some doing.

• Secu­rity. Again we think that the most impor­tant thing for a woman is that she feels finan­cially secure. That’s why, as I men­tioned before, you do your best to pro­vide for her. That’s awfully nice of you, but you may be bark­ing up a wrong tree. What she really wants much more than “money and things” is emo­tional secu­rity. This means that she can count on you to always be there for her and that she can count on you to be her best friend.

• Lis­ten­ing. We men lis­ten for a prob­lems and look for solu­tions. We also lis­ten for the point of the con­ver­sa­tion. We have no patience to lis­ten to a chrono­log­i­cal unfold­ing of a story with­out know­ing were it is going. As soon as our loved one tells us that she has a prob­lem, we are think­ing how to fix it. Wrong! Your women is quite able most of the time to fix the prob­lem her­self. If she can­not she will ask you for help. You need to trust that. What she wants from you is to lis­ten to her and acknowl­edge how she feels about it, because her feel­ings are the prob­lem that she needs to com­mu­ni­cate to you. Once you know that, it becomes easy (or not) to just lis­ten and not offer your solu­tions because there are none. She is deal­ing with her feel­ings which she has no con­trol over. So, next time she comes to you with a prob­lem, do not lis­ten to her prob­lem, lis­ten for her feel­ings. Do not offer help, wait to be asked for it, or ask if she wants your help.

• Sex. We men are very vain. When our woman does not want to have sex with us, we take it per­son­ally. Sex is our pri­mary drive in rela­tion­ship with a woman. Not so for them. In fact once you under­stand that woman’s “warm-up time” is much longer than ours and that she needs to be fore­warned so that she can antic­i­pate it, things become much eas­ier. It’s not about you. Women are wired dif­fer­ently and for a good rea­son. (I’m not going to go into it here.) Very often she just wants to be close to you, to snug­gle and be cud­dled. Of course, when­ever that hap­pens you think about sex. Hold your horses, not so fast! It DOES NOT mean that she wants sex. If you insist on it every time she comes close to you, she will start avoid­ing you. You scare her off. Take it easy, take your time. Once she gets into it, she WILL enjoy it as much, or maybe even more than you do, but patience is an oper­a­tive word.

• Beauty. A woman asks a man: “Does this dress make me look fat?” Man: “No, your fat makes you look fat.” Baaaaad move. That’s how you can talk to other man friends and not to a woman, because women are dif­fer­ent species. They will never inter­pret it as a joke, or just take it as plain truth. Remem­ber, it’s all about feel­ings. Her inter­pre­ta­tion would be …. well, make up your own. Women want us to find them attrac­tive. They want to be looked at and we, men want to look. Per­fect match! She has a deep need to know that she is beau­ti­ful for YOU. When she asks you how she looks do not say, just fine. Cul­tural pres­sure to look beau­ti­ful is great and it can hardly be avoided. So, tell her often and hon­estly that she is beau­ti­ful. You do not have to use exactly that word, but there are so many oth­ers and other ways to say the same thing. Be cre­ative.
These are just some of the points that we men often are not aware of, or sim­ply do not bother to prac­tice them. Try them, they work. Ask your women.

(Next arti­cle will be for women about men)

Let us know your thoughts and expe­ri­ences about this from both men and women.

Thanks

Radomir

http://www.RelationshipSaver.org/

http://www.GamelessRelationship.com/

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Comments (23)

Rick

August 31st, 2010 at 2:24 PM    


Great stuff. I wish I would’ve had this knowl­edge a few years ago.

tiky

September 10th, 2010 at 3:48 AM    


Wowwwwwwwwwww I’m speech­less! Who told you all that?
Will you marry me?
That is exactly how a woman feels.
You just des­bribed my hus­band and myself and the sad­dest part is that I am bored­ddddddd to death with him. My daugh­ter is 9 and ONLY because of her, I’m stay­ing. You are right, it’s not the money or finan­cial sta­bil­ity, it’s VALIDATION, it the feel­ing that I make a dif­fer­ence in his life. He is so auto-sufficient he wants to fix it all with­out know­ing he is destroy­ing me. I wish he took the time to sit down and read your arti­cle but his atti­tude is always that: “every­thing is under control”.

Paul

May 12th, 2011 at 6:29 PM    


This arti­cle con­tains a lot of sex­ist crap, rely­ing almost purely on handed down con­ven­tional wis­dom that rein­forces itself by con­di­tion­ing peo­ple (like repeated expres­sion of a hege­mony) rather than fact, and it shows no evi­dence of the lat­est schol­ar­ship on the dif­fer­ences between male and female.

Shanon

May 31st, 2011 at 7:41 PM    


I was won­der­ing, do you have an arti­cle about how to make your Man happy?

Radomir

July 18th, 2011 at 9:42 PM    


Ask him. He’ll tell you. Do not jus­tify your­self, do not com­ment. Just listen.

Sacha

September 14th, 2011 at 3:38 AM    


Fas­ci­nat­ing arti­cles you write! They def­i­nitely stand out from oth­ers of sim­i­lar focus with authen­tic exam­ples, fresh ideas & unique takes… I’m wary of accen­tu­at­ing gen­der dif­fer­ences to the point of por­tray­ing women as a “dif­fer­ent species” tho, esp. as my expe­ri­ences tend to con­tra­dict many of these gen­er­al­iza­tions (eg. my mother has always been the fac­tual, log­i­cal, prac­ti­cal one who hates con­fronta­tion; my father much more given to emo­tional expression/outbursts… [& they were hap­pily mar­ried for 44 years!]…
I have no prob­lem with my boyfriend using “Do unto oth­ers as you would have them do unto you” as a guide (it’d be a step in the right direc­tion!) — i don’t require him to read my mind — tho he seems to silently ask that of me all the time… & actu­ally, i’d be ecsta­tic if he backed up his “i love you“‘s with a lit­tle respon­si­ble action…

i don’t like to keep my b/f ‘in the dark’ on how to make me happy, so i want him like­wise to prod me in the right direc­tion; prob­lem is that lately i’ve felt like he despises me — which is why i’ve all but given up ask­ing what will make him happy, know­ing that no mat­ter how sweet & cute i say it he’ll stay mutely star­ing at his toes, expres­sion­less…!
It’s almost like, he doesn’t want to LET me make him happy (& that makes me so, SO UPSET –think­ing we’ve had an unshake­able affec­tion bond­ing us together like glue — & now, inex­plic­a­bly, he’s shut me out — & i’m pretty sure he’s cheat­ing on me, he’s hardly home at all any more. I’m so sad — not just for me, but for him too! Know­ing that there’s noth­ing i can do, cuz he’s never around! Each time he comes home it’s for less & less time — last time must’ve been a record, he dashed in & out in 5 mins., say­ing he was “dou­bleparked” out­side (how rude!) Thing is, i’m sen­si­tive, & can tell he’s not him­self — so i’m wor­ried what’ll hap­pen next…
(which is why i’m up so early, boo-hooing on this site here after wak­ing from a night­mare — to a dif­fer­ent night­mare, only worse cuz it’s REAL! yay..
Thanks for let­ting me vent, you ROCK!

Radomir

September 15th, 2011 at 8:36 AM    


I thought I made it clear some­where in my writ­ings that when I talk about men/women difer­ences, by man I mean male char­ac­ter­is­tics which are mostly present in men and female traits that car­ac­ter­ize typ­i­cal women’s behav­ior, but a man and a woman can and do have both men and women char­ac­ter­is­tics in var­i­ous degrees. So, you can have very agres­sive and dom­i­nant woman and very sen­si­tive man who is mainly dri­ven by his feel­ings. Rolls often do change depend­ing on cir­cum­stances, lev­els of devel­op­ment etc.

Exhibit­ing the traits appro­pri­ate to your gen­der makes you sex­u­ally more attrac­tive. “Manly” men are gen­er­ally more attrac­tive to women than “sen­si­tive” men. (Although many women look for a sen­si­tive man, but when they find him they are very quick about leav­ing him.) “Sexy and fem­i­nine” woman is what men want in order to be sex­u­ally attracted.

Wanda

October 18th, 2011 at 6:25 AM    


I have to say that I agree with you there tiky. I have a 4 year old daugh­ter and I am stay­ing in this rela­tion­ship for her. I hope my hus­band reads this and under­stands that instead of think­ing that I don’t love him, which I tru­ely do I just need him to under­stand where I am com­ing from and what I am try­ing to say.

ade

October 30th, 2011 at 4:54 AM    


Pls can you help me I love my woman so much.but at the moment she is not happy what can I do?

Radomir

October 30th, 2011 at 12:55 PM    


Well, if you want herback, yes, I can help you. Get The Rela­tion­ship Saver at http://RelationshipSaver.org , do the work by fol­low­ing the instructions.

RJ

November 17th, 2011 at 8:54 AM    


I’ve been mar­ried now for 20 years with 3 chil­dren. Over the past sev­eral years we have been going in dif­fer­ent direc­tions tak­ing care of the kids (soft­ball, Base­ball, Motocross)that we have lost eachother along the way. Now she has com­pletely shut me off and needs space, says there is noth­ing there between us and not sure if she wants to con­tinue. I now real­ize my attempts to fix things are mak­ing it worse and doing the best I can to give her space. I need to know what I can do. At this point she is not will­ing to work it out.I need your help, Thanks

Radomir

November 22nd, 2011 at 5:07 PM    


I sug­gest you use “The Rela­tion­ship Saver, The Fast Track Man­ual for Sav­ing Your Relationship/Marriage” at http://relationshipsaver.org/

Graham

February 5th, 2012 at 3:01 PM    


RJ

I have the same prob­lem as You. You are not alone> I have 2 sons who are fan­tas­tic> we had it all but she started say­ing she needed her space. Then the boys (15 an 21) didn’t need her. stared going on hol­i­day with devorced friend and then said I dont love you anymore.

There is absolutely naoth­ing you can do> Please dont do waht I did and make your self ill. Tell her to piss of get a house­keeper and go on lov­ing your boys. Get a good lawyer, pay her off and don’t tor­ture your­self ask­ing what went wrong and what did you do wrong. Women just go bonkers is the thruth. Just pay for sex when u need it. Just man up and realise you are just expe­ri­en­ce­ing what mil­lions of men are expe­ri­enc­ing today. You are not going to get her back and if you did it would just be mis­er­able. Harsh I know but the truth. i was with my wife for 30 years and told her every­day i loved her until she drove off in one of teh cars I had bought her with all the paint­ings rings porce­lain clothes jew­el­ery etc etc I had bought her.….…. GOODBYE>

tim

July 3rd, 2012 at 5:22 AM    


I found myself on the floor of my room almost 3 years ago, cry­ing so hard my chest could barely inflate and as i told my dying father through the phone, how id just been caught cheat­ing, my world colapsed.

My prob­lem was big­ger than me and i was big­ger than all the world around me’s prob­lems com­bined. I came very close to killing myself as my body tried to con­trol a vehi­cle that headed straight for her mercy. I stopped for flow­ers on the way, they end up splat­ted across her bath­room floor.… along with my dignity.

We dated 5 months later

id read radomir’s rela­tion­ship saver

Im still ter­ri­ble in any rela­tion­ship i find myself in but that has noth­ing to do with radomir’s advice and more to do with my big ego dri­ven self.

As you read this, please yell out to me, as loud as you can “LET GO!” and ill hope­fully hear your tears

Radomir

July 3rd, 2012 at 8:47 AM    


Do you REALLY NEED her soooo much?!

Tim

July 3rd, 2012 at 7:45 PM    


her’ no.

Ques­tion for you: why do I become depressed when I feel that I need vent my prob­lems but I know that who ever lis­tens will only relate, not empathize

Radomir

July 5th, 2012 at 7:57 AM    


I am not sure what you actu­ally mean by relate, but if I am to guess I’d say that by empathize you mean “lis­ten with under­stand­ing” and relate “com­pare their own expe­ri­ences and think about them­selves and maybe give their opin­ion and/or advice.”

I don’t know why you get depressed (you should know that the best,) but gen­er­ally speak­ing we get depressed mostly because we are upset. And, in turn we get upset for three rea­sons, and three rea­sons only:
– Unful­filled expec­ta­tions
– Thwarted Inten­tions
– Unde­liv­ered com­mu­ni­ca­tion
In your case all three may be at work.
I hope this helps.
Best regards,
Radomir

Tim

July 7th, 2012 at 8:25 PM    


That helps… Heaps actually

Ive copied you answer into my notes and I’ll be sure to read it each time I’m depressed. I have a feel­ing this will help me iden­tify how I’m com­ing into that state.

From the bot­tom of my heart, thank you very much Radomir

lungelo

August 31st, 2012 at 7:01 AM    


I have a prob­lem I’m 22 years old I just met some­one it have been five months dat­ing her, we always fight, I find it hard to trust her, she have some­one else back at home but she told me things were not going well between the two of them because her man is a father of some­one alses baby. My prob­lem is that I love her so much I always want to be next to her but she is not that kind of a per­son who is always with a boyfriendm and that make me angry because I result on think­ing that she doesn’t want me you know what I’m try­ing to say.when we hav­ing sex she always say she didn’t come to that stage or I didn’t cer­t­is­fie her. What do I do on that sit­u­a­tion? I need help because I do not want to loose her

Jamie

October 20th, 2012 at 3:00 AM    


Cou­pla things: i agree that lis­ten­ing for her feel­ings, not her ‘prob­lem’, is great advice — some­what weak­ened by telling men to ‘try to close the issue by resolv­ing the con­cern…’ instead of some­thing like ‘Don’t feel oblig­ated to take on the issue.’ Although noth­ing would be more ‘unmanly’ than a grudg­ing “Well, whad­dya want me to do about it?” (except maybe “I don’t give a hoot!” haha). How about, “Well i never thought of it that way before!” while look­ing at her with won­der­ment. Such atten­tive­ness will throw her off course, while your child­like confusion/innocence will likely make her melt (as opposed to ignor­ing her, which only guar­an­tees a con­tin­u­ing stream — if not a warm-up to hos­til­ity).
Like­wise, you tell men ‘Do not offer help’, then advise wait­ing to be asked for it, or ‘ask if she wants your help’ — which is the same idea. But you said he needs to trust she’ll ask for help? To switch out of ‘help­ing’ mode (which only makes you look/feel more help­less) remem­ber know-it-alls are turn-offs — but vul­ner­a­bil­ity is endear­ing. So if you can’t think what to say, speech­less won­der will suf­fice! Like you said, women wanna be looked at. So LOOK AT HER
Men too have trou­ble con­trol­ling their emo­tions — specif­i­cally, their anger. If they could only calm that side of them­selves down, things would improve!

OnlyMe

January 10th, 2013 at 3:59 PM    


Do you find that the gen­ders tend to have very dif­fer­ent inter­pre­ta­tions of “fair­ness” as well?

It seems to me that women rou­tinely exhibit behav­ior which soci­ety does not tol­er­ate in men. For me, one of the most galling is that their “emo­tions of the moment”, as you put it, appear to give them carte blanche to do almost any­thing with­out hav­ing to face the sort of con­se­quences that a man would for doing the same. For exam­ple, men are expected to keep their promises and be bound by their word — full stop. But it appears that women are per­mit­ted to vio­late theirs when­ever they find it con­ve­nient to do so; they can merely say “well, I was upset” as though that were some kind of self-evident justification.

This strikes me as out­ra­geous. What good is your word, your integrity, if it comes with a built-in pro­viso like that? As a man, my integrity is a big part of how I define myself. It’s like a legal con­tract: you must do your utmost to do what you’ve promised to do, or else suf­fer the con­se­quences. Obvi­ously, no one in their right mind would enter into a one-sided con­tract in which the other party is not held to their agreement.

I acknowl­edge that I may be com­pletely miss­ing the point here, and that per­haps my deep need for jus­tice is sim­ply anath­ema to women, and some­thing I have to learn to let go of.

But I hope that isn’t true.

Mike

April 7th, 2013 at 8:23 AM    


Human­be­ings are crea­tures with an insatis­able desire to seek famil­iar­ity in other people’s behav­iour but on the con­trary, women react dif­fer­ently to sit­u­a­tions based on their indi­vid­ual cul­tural orientations.eg Women in the devel­oped coun­tries of the world behave and react dif­fer­ently to sit­u­a­tions, per­haps, not con­sid­er­ing finan­cial sup­port their men are com­mit­ted to in the fam­ily but in a devel­op­ing coun­try like Nige­ria, to a greater extent,the reverse is the case.

dedehdee

August 15th, 2013 at 8:02 AM    


The rela­tion­ship saver works. Some men on here are so stub­born that they refuse to see these points. The women who are think­ing of leav­ing their spouses are just trans­fer­ring their prob­lems„, you will do bet­ter work­ing it out using the rela­tion­ship saver. Good luck.…I just learn new skills, my wife will be more happy… thanks

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