The Relationship Saver Blog

Wowwwwwwwwwww I’m speech­less! Who told you all that?
Will you marry me?
That is exactly how a woman feels.
You just des­bribed my hus­band and myself and the sad­dest part is that I am bored­ddddddd to death with him. My daugh­ter is 9 and ONLY because of her, I’m stay­ing. You are right, it’s not the money or finan­cial sta­bil­ity, it’s VALIDATION, it the feel­ing that I make a dif­fer­ence in his life. He is so auto-sufficient he wants to fix it all with­out know­ing he is destroy­ing me. I wish he took the time to sit down and read your arti­cle but his atti­tude is always that: “every­thing is under control”.

This arti­cle con­tains a lot of sex­ist crap, rely­ing almost purely on handed down con­ven­tional wis­dom that rein­forces itself by con­di­tion­ing peo­ple (like repeated expres­sion of a hege­mony) rather than fact, and it shows no evi­dence of the lat­est schol­ar­ship on the dif­fer­ences between male and female.

I was won­der­ing, do you have an arti­cle about how to make your Man happy?

Ask him. He’ll tell you. Do not jus­tify your­self, do not com­ment. Just listen.

Fas­ci­nat­ing arti­cles you write! They def­i­nitely stand out from oth­ers of sim­i­lar focus with authen­tic exam­ples, fresh ideas & unique takes… I’m wary of accen­tu­at­ing gen­der dif­fer­ences to the point of por­tray­ing women as a “dif­fer­ent species” tho, esp. as my expe­ri­ences tend to con­tra­dict many of these gen­er­al­iza­tions (eg. my mother has always been the fac­tual, log­i­cal, prac­ti­cal one who hates con­fronta­tion; my father much more given to emo­tional expression/outbursts… [& they were hap­pily mar­ried for 44 years!]…
I have no prob­lem with my boyfriend using “Do unto oth­ers as you would have them do unto you” as a guide (it’d be a step in the right direc­tion!) — i don’t require him to read my mind — tho he seems to silently ask that of me all the time… & actu­ally, i’d be ecsta­tic if he backed up his “i love you“‘s with a lit­tle respon­si­ble action…

i don’t like to keep my b/f ‘in the dark’ on how to make me happy, so i want him like­wise to prod me in the right direc­tion; prob­lem is that lately i’ve felt like he despises me — which is why i’ve all but given up ask­ing what will make him happy, know­ing that no mat­ter how sweet & cute i say it he’ll stay mutely star­ing at his toes, expres­sion­less…!
It’s almost like, he doesn’t want to LET me make him happy (& that makes me so, SO UPSET –think­ing we’ve had an unshake­able affec­tion bond­ing us together like glue — & now, inex­plic­a­bly, he’s shut me out — & i’m pretty sure he’s cheat­ing on me, he’s hardly home at all any more. I’m so sad — not just for me, but for him too! Know­ing that there’s noth­ing i can do, cuz he’s never around! Each time he comes home it’s for less & less time — last time must’ve been a record, he dashed in & out in 5 mins., say­ing he was “dou­bleparked” out­side (how rude!) Thing is, i’m sen­si­tive, & can tell he’s not him­self — so i’m wor­ried what’ll hap­pen next…
(which is why i’m up so early, boo-hooing on this site here after wak­ing from a night­mare — to a dif­fer­ent night­mare, only worse cuz it’s REAL! yay..
Thanks for let­ting me vent, you ROCK!

I thought I made it clear some­where in my writ­ings that when I talk about men/women difer­ences, by man I mean male char­ac­ter­is­tics which are mostly present in men and female traits that car­ac­ter­ize typ­i­cal women’s behav­ior, but a man and a woman can and do have both men and women char­ac­ter­is­tics in var­i­ous degrees. So, you can have very agres­sive and dom­i­nant woman and very sen­si­tive man who is mainly dri­ven by his feel­ings. Rolls often do change depend­ing on cir­cum­stances, lev­els of devel­op­ment etc.

Exhibit­ing the traits appro­pri­ate to your gen­der makes you sex­u­ally more attrac­tive. “Manly” men are gen­er­ally more attrac­tive to women than “sen­si­tive” men. (Although many women look for a sen­si­tive man, but when they find him they are very quick about leav­ing him.) “Sexy and fem­i­nine” woman is what men want in order to be sex­u­ally attracted.

I have to say that I agree with you there tiky. I have a 4 year old daugh­ter and I am stay­ing in this rela­tion­ship for her. I hope my hus­band reads this and under­stands that instead of think­ing that I don’t love him, which I tru­ely do I just need him to under­stand where I am com­ing from and what I am try­ing to say.

Pls can you help me I love my woman so much.but at the moment she is not happy what can I do?

Well, if you want herback, yes, I can help you. Get The Rela­tion­ship Saver at http://RelationshipSaver.org , do the work by fol­low­ing the instructions.

I’ve been mar­ried now for 20 years with 3 chil­dren. Over the past sev­eral years we have been going in dif­fer­ent direc­tions tak­ing care of the kids (soft­ball, Base­ball, Motocross)that we have lost eachother along the way. Now she has com­pletely shut me off and needs space, says there is noth­ing there between us and not sure if she wants to con­tinue. I now real­ize my attempts to fix things are mak­ing it worse and doing the best I can to give her space. I need to know what I can do. At this point she is not will­ing to work it out.I need your help, Thanks

I sug­gest you use “The Rela­tion­ship Saver, The Fast Track Man­ual for Sav­ing Your Relationship/Marriage” at http://relationshipsaver.org/

RJ

I have the same prob­lem as You. You are not alone> I have 2 sons who are fan­tas­tic> we had it all but she started say­ing she needed her space. Then the boys (15 an 21) didn’t need her. stared going on hol­i­day with devorced friend and then said I dont love you anymore.

There is absolutely naoth­ing you can do> Please dont do waht I did and make your self ill. Tell her to piss of get a house­keeper and go on lov­ing your boys. Get a good lawyer, pay her off and don’t tor­ture your­self ask­ing what went wrong and what did you do wrong. Women just go bonkers is the thruth. Just pay for sex when u need it. Just man up and realise you are just expe­ri­en­ce­ing what mil­lions of men are expe­ri­enc­ing today. You are not going to get her back and if you did it would just be mis­er­able. Harsh I know but the truth. i was with my wife for 30 years and told her every­day i loved her until she drove off in one of teh cars I had bought her with all the paint­ings rings porce­lain clothes jew­el­ery etc etc I had bought her.….…. GOODBYE>

I found myself on the floor of my room almost 3 years ago, cry­ing so hard my chest could barely inflate and as i told my dying father through the phone, how id just been caught cheat­ing, my world colapsed.

My prob­lem was big­ger than me and i was big­ger than all the world around me’s prob­lems com­bined. I came very close to killing myself as my body tried to con­trol a vehi­cle that headed straight for her mercy. I stopped for flow­ers on the way, they end up splat­ted across her bath­room floor.… along with my dignity.

We dated 5 months later

id read radomir’s rela­tion­ship saver

Im still ter­ri­ble in any rela­tion­ship i find myself in but that has noth­ing to do with radomir’s advice and more to do with my big ego dri­ven self.

As you read this, please yell out to me, as loud as you can “LET GO!” and ill hope­fully hear your tears

Do you REALLY NEED her soooo much?!

‘her’ no.

Ques­tion for you: why do I become depressed when I feel that I need vent my prob­lems but I know that who ever lis­tens will only relate, not empathize

I am not sure what you actu­ally mean by relate, but if I am to guess I’d say that by empathize you mean “lis­ten with under­stand­ing” and relate “com­pare their own expe­ri­ences and think about them­selves and maybe give their opin­ion and/or advice.”

I don’t know why you get depressed (you should know that the best,) but gen­er­ally speak­ing we get depressed mostly because we are upset. And, in turn we get upset for three rea­sons, and three rea­sons only:
– Unful­filled expec­ta­tions
– Thwarted Inten­tions
– Unde­liv­ered com­mu­ni­ca­tion
In your case all three may be at work.
I hope this helps.
Best regards,
Radomir

That helps… Heaps actually

Ive copied you answer into my notes and I’ll be sure to read it each time I’m depressed. I have a feel­ing this will help me iden­tify how I’m com­ing into that state.

From the bot­tom of my heart, thank you very much Radomir

I have a prob­lem I’m 22 years old I just met some­one it have been five months dat­ing her, we always fight, I find it hard to trust her, she have some­one else back at home but she told me things were not going well between the two of them because her man is a father of some­one alses baby. My prob­lem is that I love her so much I always want to be next to her but she is not that kind of a per­son who is always with a boyfriendm and that make me angry because I result on think­ing that she doesn’t want me you know what I’m try­ing to say.when we hav­ing sex she always say she didn’t come to that stage or I didn’t cer­t­is­fie her. What do I do on that sit­u­a­tion? I need help because I do not want to loose her

Cou­pla things: i agree that lis­ten­ing for her feel­ings, not her ‘prob­lem’, is great advice — some­what weak­ened by telling men to ‘try to close the issue by resolv­ing the con­cern…’ instead of some­thing like ‘Don’t feel oblig­ated to take on the issue.’ Although noth­ing would be more ‘unmanly’ than a grudg­ing “Well, whad­dya want me to do about it?” (except maybe “I don’t give a hoot!” haha). How about, “Well i never thought of it that way before!” while look­ing at her with won­der­ment. Such atten­tive­ness will throw her off course, while your child­like confusion/innocence will likely make her melt (as opposed to ignor­ing her, which only guar­an­tees a con­tin­u­ing stream — if not a warm-up to hos­til­ity).
Like­wise, you tell men ‘Do not offer help’, then advise wait­ing to be asked for it, or ‘ask if she wants your help’ — which is the same idea. But you said he needs to trust she’ll ask for help? To switch out of ‘help­ing’ mode (which only makes you look/feel more help­less) remem­ber know-it-alls are turn-offs — but vul­ner­a­bil­ity is endear­ing. So if you can’t think what to say, speech­less won­der will suf­fice! Like you said, women wanna be looked at. So LOOK AT HER…
Men too have trou­ble con­trol­ling their emo­tions — specif­i­cally, their anger. If they could only calm that side of them­selves down, things would improve!

Do you find that the gen­ders tend to have very dif­fer­ent inter­pre­ta­tions of “fair­ness” as well?

It seems to me that women rou­tinely exhibit behav­ior which soci­ety does not tol­er­ate in men. For me, one of the most galling is that their “emo­tions of the moment”, as you put it, appear to give them carte blanche to do almost any­thing with­out hav­ing to face the sort of con­se­quences that a man would for doing the same. For exam­ple, men are expected to keep their promises and be bound by their word — full stop. But it appears that women are per­mit­ted to vio­late theirs when­ever they find it con­ve­nient to do so; they can merely say “well, I was upset” as though that were some kind of self-evident justification.

This strikes me as out­ra­geous. What good is your word, your integrity, if it comes with a built-in pro­viso like that? As a man, my integrity is a big part of how I define myself. It’s like a legal con­tract: you must do your utmost to do what you’ve promised to do, or else suf­fer the con­se­quences. Obvi­ously, no one in their right mind would enter into a one-sided con­tract in which the other party is not held to their agreement.

I acknowl­edge that I may be com­pletely miss­ing the point here, and that per­haps my deep need for jus­tice is sim­ply anath­ema to women, and some­thing I have to learn to let go of.

But I hope that isn’t true.

Human­be­ings are crea­tures with an insatis­able desire to seek famil­iar­ity in other people’s behav­iour but on the con­trary, women react dif­fer­ently to sit­u­a­tions based on their indi­vid­ual cul­tural orientations.eg Women in the devel­oped coun­tries of the world behave and react dif­fer­ently to sit­u­a­tions, per­haps, not con­sid­er­ing finan­cial sup­port their men are com­mit­ted to in the fam­ily but in a devel­op­ing coun­try like Nige­ria, to a greater extent,the reverse is the case.