How to…

Recently I received an e-mail from a per­son request­ing a refund because he had read many books on rela­tion­ships and that The Rela­tion­ship Saver was not help­ful.  A few oth­ers have com­plained that it’s not spe­cific enough. I’m sure that he is not the only one who has accu­mu­lated a lot of knowl­edge about sav­ing rela­tion­ships dur­ing a con­sid­er­able period of time, but has always been dis­ap­pointed because “it didn’t work”.

So, how is it that we are so knowl­edge­able yet can­not improve rela­tion­ships, no mat­ter what? The best exam­ple is over­weight peo­ple who want to lose weight. Most of them know exactly HOW to do it. The same applies to rela­tion­ships. We often know how to do it, yet we do noth­ing about it. And therein lies the problem.

Both The Rela­tion­ship Saver and The Game­less Rela­tion­ship are prac­ti­cal books of which there are two types: one, which spells out rules, and the other, which explains the prin­ci­ples. The Rela­tion­ship Saver is a “rule book”. It does not explain any under­ly­ing prin­ci­ples.  If they were included The Rela­tion­ship Saver would run to vol­umes. It is designed as a man­ual to be put to imme­di­ate use. Sav­ing a rela­tion­ship is often an urgent matter.

On the other hand, The Game­less Rela­tion­ship is a book about prin­ci­ples. Rules are cre­ated from prin­ci­ples, i.e., “Do not steal” is a rule, but it comes from a prin­ci­ple of hon­esty, cred­i­bil­ity, trust and integrity. A rule book is meant to be short  (look at The Ten Com­mand­ments).  To explain the under­ly­ing prin­ci­ples may take much longer.

How come we read all these books, we gather all the infor­ma­tion we can get, and our rela­tion­ship is still in trou­ble? I am sure by now you’ve guessed why. The magic word is ACTION, and not just any action. In order for a book to work, YOU must do the work. Sorry, there is no way around it. I wish there were a magic wand that you could just wave and your part­ner would change into a prince/princess and you would live hap­pily ever after. The only magic wand there is hap­pens to be the one you hold in the form of an ACTION that pro­duces a change in YOU. Here are some rules (with the under­ly­ing prin­ci­ples in paren­the­sis), which if you apply them, will not only improve your rela­tion­ships but will give you a much hap­pier life in general:

-    YOU must take action (actions are always in lan­guage).
–    YOU are the one who needs to change (peo­ple react to each other).
–    You can­not change other peo­ple (change can only be ini­ti­ated from inside and insist­ing that other peo­ple change makes you a vic­tim).
–    Keep your promises (integrity).
–    Do not gos­sip (integrity).
–    Do not judge, lest you be judged. (Your beliefs and inter­pre­ta­tions are NOT real­ity. They are only real to YOU.)
–    Leave the fol­low­ing phrases out of your vocab­u­lary:
o    I, you, he/she/it should (The world is what it is, not what you think it “should” be.
o    I’ll try. (“There is no try, you either do or not do” – Yoda from The Star Wars movie.)
o    I hope. (Hope is okay, but there is no action in it, there­fore no change.)

-    Love (uncon­di­tional love is the high­est level of self expression).

How do you fol­low the rules? By apply­ing them in action. Liv­ing by the rules is fine — many peo­ple do — but dis­cov­er­ing and becom­ing aware of the under­ly­ing prin­ci­ples and learn­ing from them makes you much more ver­sa­tile, secure and much more pow­er­ful; not to men­tion that lit­tle plea­sure of being right more often.

Dif­fer­ent peo­ple learn (or not) differently:

- Stu­pid peo­ple do not learn.
– Smart peo­ple learn from their own mis­takes.
– Clever peo­ple learn from other people’s mis­takes.
– Intel­li­gent peo­ple learn from PRINCIPLES.
(Dr. Lo)

So, how do you make the most of a prac­ti­cal book? Every sit­u­a­tion is dif­fer­ent. Every sit­u­a­tion can be observed from dif­fer­ent points of view and thus inter­preted dif­fer­ently. No prac­ti­cal book, there­fore, can tell you exactly what to do in ANY par­tic­u­lar sit­u­a­tion. You must make your own judg­ment accord­ing to your inter­pre­ta­tion of the cir­cum­stances accord­ing to the rules and prin­ci­ples learned from prac­ti­cal books. To the ques­tion I often get: whether The Rela­tion­ship Saver will get my love back, the answer is NO, The Rela­tion­ship Saver will do noth­ing for you.

Some peo­ple think that just by read­ing a book and hav­ing more knowl­edge about rela­tion­ships and/or if they are told exactly what to do in their par­tic­u­lar cir­cum­stance they will save their rela­tion­ship. Rela­tion­ships are about being and not about doing. Doing is a direct result of being, not vice versa.  In other words, what you do is a direct result of who you are being in any par­tic­u­lar sit­u­a­tion. YOU must walk the talk. YOU must learn about the changes you need to go through AND put them into prac­tice. And, YOU are the only per­son you CAN change, thus most likely chang­ing your rela­tion­ship and the qual­ity of your life. Do not give that power to ANYONE else.

Books have enor­mous power, but only if you coop­er­ate and if what you’ve read is reflected in your actions.


Comments (6)


June 9th, 2010 at 6:53 PM    

Please do not dis­play my email address…
I believe it has to do with ones inner most inten­tion, Radomir. The peo­ple ask­ing for a refund may not be able to see their own fears yet, and so often, peo­ple show their view of the world, ie. via com­plain­ing about money, as a way of express­ing their abil­ity to not yet be ready to take respon­si­bil­ity. I bleieved my part­ner had good inten­tions, how­ever, his fears and reac­tions and habits keep him safe in whom he thinks he is.. as this false sense of self has actu­ally kept him safe in the world for somne time. But, still not ready to help him­self, and there­fore, i get treated by his nor­mal stan­dards. I liked your com­ment on an ear­lier page, that by insist­ing he change, i then take on the con­tin­ual role of the vic­tim. I played that out so very well. I have stepped away now, and he has finally begun to get help… But, this integrity and inten­tion some­how has to come into action, and i finally lis­tenned to real­ity, by no longer accept­ing being treated with such dis­re­spect… inter­est­ingly enough, because it is his nor­mal, i still don’t think he under­stands why we clashed so much. But it is no longer for me to tell him. The wis­dom of his own self may or may not tell him some day. And it’s actu­ally not my busi­ness. What is my busi­ness is that i “act” on what is appro­pri­ate behviour, and what is not. To act out my integrity as an exam­ple for him. This has taken far too many years than i would like to admit here, but finally on the way to a truth­ful life and the free­dom that the truth always brings. Thank you so much for your web­site. I find it very reflec­tive as well as val­i­dat­ing, along this jour­ney into uncon­di­tional love. Yours truly, Samantha

Two Becomes One

January 20th, 2011 at 10:49 AM    

So true; that you are the only per­son you can change. It takes two to make a rela­tion­ship work. So do your part and it will be up to the other per­son to do his/hers. How­ever, chang­ing your reac­tions to their behav­ior could make them stop and think about the dynam­ics of the rela­tion­ship. After read­ing the books, tak­ing action is required for results. After all, the best med­i­cine in the world, left unap­plied, does noth­ing to help.

Forest Marrion

April 25th, 2011 at 4:39 AM    

I’m impressed, I must say. Really hardly ever do I encounter a blog that’s both educa­tive and enter­tain­ing, and let me let you know, you could have hit the nail on the head. Your con­cept is excel­lent; the issue is some­thing that not suf­fi­cient peo­ple are speak­ing intel­li­gently about. I am very com­pletely happy that I stum­bled through­out this in my search for some­thing refer­ring to this.

Mario Nazareno

April 26th, 2011 at 7:22 AM    

There are some fas­ci­nat­ing dead­lines in this arti­cle how­ever I don’t know if I see all of them mid­dle to heart. There may be some valid­ity how­ever I will take hold opin­ion till I look into it fur­ther. Good arti­cle , thanks and we would like extra! Added to Feed­Burner as well

elizabeth brown

September 30th, 2011 at 9:18 PM    

May be the per­son which is ask­ing for refund is frus­trate & the tools which you pro­vided was not suf­fi­cient for him. Many times super­nat­ural pow­ers con­trols the rela­tion­ship of each other & that can be mod­i­fied by the means of Astrol­ogy. I will sug­gest you to pro­vide some super­nat­ural mod­i­fi­ca­tion tech­nol­ogy also with the rela­tion­ship saver pack­age for ex. Horo­scope, Zodiac sign & its effect & rec­ti­fi­ca­tion tech­nique etc.


September 30th, 2011 at 10:46 PM    

Uhm­mmm. Think about it, I will.

Thank you.

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