Recently I received an e-mail from a person requesting a refund because he had read many books on relationships and that The Relationship Saver was not helpful. A few others have complained that it’s not specific enough. I’m sure that he is not the only one who has accumulated a lot of knowledge about saving relationships during a considerable period of time, but has always been disappointed because “it didn’t work”.
So, how is it that we are so knowledgeable yet cannot improve relationships, no matter what? The best example is overweight people who want to lose weight. Most of them know exactly HOW to do it. The same applies to relationships. We often know how to do it, yet we do nothing about it. And therein lies the problem.
Both The Relationship Saver and The Gameless Relationship are practical books of which there are two types: one, which spells out rules, and the other, which explains the principles. The Relationship Saver is a “rule book”. It does not explain any underlying principles. If they were included The Relationship Saver would run to volumes. It is designed as a manual to be put to immediate use. Saving a relationship is often an urgent matter.
On the other hand, The Gameless Relationship is a book about principles. Rules are created from principles, i.e., “Do not steal” is a rule, but it comes from a principle of honesty, credibility, trust and integrity. A rule book is meant to be short (look at The Ten Commandments). To explain the underlying principles may take much longer.
How come we read all these books, we gather all the information we can get, and our relationship is still in trouble? I am sure by now you’ve guessed why. The magic word is ACTION, and not just any action. In order for a book to work, YOU must do the work. Sorry, there is no way around it. I wish there were a magic wand that you could just wave and your partner would change into a prince/princess and you would live happily ever after. The only magic wand there is happens to be the one you hold in the form of an ACTION that produces a change in YOU. Here are some rules (with the underlying principles in parenthesis), which if you apply them, will not only improve your relationships but will give you a much happier life in general:
- YOU must take action (actions are always in language).
- YOU are the one who needs to change (people react to each other).
- You cannot change other people (change can only be initiated from inside and insisting that other people change makes you a victim).
- Keep your promises (integrity).
- Do not gossip (integrity).
- Do not judge, lest you be judged. (Your beliefs and interpretations are NOT reality. They are only real to YOU.)
- Leave the following phrases out of your vocabulary:
o I, you, he/she/it should (The world is what it is, not what you think it “should” be.
o I’ll try. (“There is no try, you either do or not do” – Yoda from The Star Wars movie.)
o I hope. (Hope is okay, but there is no action in it, therefore no change.)
- Love (unconditional love is the highest level of self expression).
How do you follow the rules? By applying them in action. Living by the rules is fine — many people do — but discovering and becoming aware of the underlying principles and learning from them makes you much more versatile, secure and much more powerful; not to mention that little pleasure of being right more often.
Different people learn (or not) differently:
- Stupid people do not learn.
– Smart people learn from their own mistakes.
– Clever people learn from other people’s mistakes.
– Intelligent people learn from PRINCIPLES.
So, how do you make the most of a practical book? Every situation is different. Every situation can be observed from different points of view and thus interpreted differently. No practical book, therefore, can tell you exactly what to do in ANY particular situation. You must make your own judgment according to your interpretation of the circumstances according to the rules and principles learned from practical books. To the question I often get: whether The Relationship Saver will get my love back, the answer is NO, The Relationship Saver will do nothing for you.
Some people think that just by reading a book and having more knowledge about relationships and/or if they are told exactly what to do in their particular circumstance they will save their relationship. Relationships are about being and not about doing. Doing is a direct result of being, not vice versa. In other words, what you do is a direct result of who you are being in any particular situation. YOU must walk the talk. YOU must learn about the changes you need to go through AND put them into practice. And, YOU are the only person you CAN change, thus most likely changing your relationship and the quality of your life. Do not give that power to ANYONE else.
Books have enormous power, but only if you cooperate and if what you’ve read is reflected in your actions.