Money, Economy And Relationships

In the past it was com­mon for divorce rates to spike dur­ing times of finan­cial inse­cu­rity. Back in the reces­sion of 1997, the divorce rate rose close to 20%. How­ever, econ­o­mists note that dur­ing really tough times, such as the Great Depres­sion in the early 1930s, divorce rates sta­tis­ti­cally decline because peo­ple can’t afford the lux­ury of split­ting into two sep­a­rate homes, and what is also very likely is that divorce was not as com­mon and as socially accept­able as it is today.

There are sev­eral angles we can look at this prob­lem. The first one is a mat­ter of

1. Integrity

Noth­ing works with­out integrity. (You can find much more on Integrity in The Game­less Rela­tion­ship ). At one point we made cer­tain promises and dec­la­ra­tions, like “For bet­ter or for worse” and “Till death us do part”, which we con­ve­niently for­get when times get tough. We very eas­ily find a “rea­son and excuse” for break­ing our promise. We make our­selves believe that these rea­sons are real and valid when in fact the are just a plau­si­ble story which we decided was true. Exam­ples: He is not mak­ing enough money. It is not good for my child to live in these con­di­tions. Or, she does not want to get a job to help out in this crit­i­cal sit­u­a­tion. This takes us to the issue of

2. Being a victim

It is so easy to take the role of a vic­tim, just stop being respon­si­ble for any­thing. Give your power to oth­ers and declare that none of this has any­thing to do with you. Again, find­ing a good rea­son and excuse is essen­tial. If you were hon­est you would dis­cover your rea­sons and find many ways to jus­tify your actions. The plain truth is that it is eas­ier to blame oth­ers and assert your right­eous­ness than remem­ber that you’ve taken an oath.

3. Rea­son for being married.

Did you marry for a com­fort­able life, sex, to have chil­dren, because you “had to”, because it was “the thing to do”. These rea­sons some­how come up as excuses when the going gets tough and are used as excuses to walk away with­out con­sid­er­ing that YOU made an uncon­di­tional promise. In other words, when you said “I do”, you lied to every­one, and most likely, to your­self as well.

Of course there are rea­sons, such as abuse, but very few that may actu­ally jus­tify aban­don­ing mar­riage, but ask your­self if abuse started before the econ­omy took a dive and you were sell­ing out, or has it become a good rea­son to jus­tify your leav­ing when ship is sinking.

There are a few other games peo­ple play when it comes to ditch­ing a mar­riage, but these would suf­fice and you can think of oth­ers for your­self. The point I am mak­ing is that money is NEVER the real rea­son for break­ing up a mar­riage, the above rea­sons are.

So, do not pass the buck and blame money (pun intended), look inside first.

Best regards,

Radomir

Rela­tion­ship Saver

Game­less Relationship


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Comments (5)

Russ

July 14th, 2009 at 3:03 PM    


Ok so I can see that she maybe mak­ing excuses. I gam­bled our money away and now she doesnt trust me and wants to end the mar­riage. How do I get her to give another chance, she wont admit any fault on her part.

radomir

July 14th, 2009 at 10:36 PM    


What fault on her part? You broke her trust. You were sup­posed to be respon­si­ble for the money, instead you gam­bled her money as well, with­out her per­mis­sion. Sin­cere apol­ogy may be in order and a promise that you will not gam­ble again, ever. How about keep­ing the promise even if she leaves?

Rachel

August 7th, 2009 at 1:20 AM    


I think you might ask for another chance with the promise that you will get some pro­fes­sional help…then she will see that you are admit­ting you are at fault, own­ing up, sorry and pre­pared to do what­ever it takes. Maybe ask her what she wants from you/would like you to do…and put a time frame on it if it needs one. Then just do it, it will be hard because you will have to get past a lot of resent­ment, but you can get your integrity back if you keep your word, no mat­ter what.

Radomir

August 7th, 2009 at 7:22 AM    


I sec­ond this.

Radomir

Eliot Bissey

March 4th, 2010 at 3:47 AM    


Another BIG rea­son that peo­ple get mar­ried is:
To get away from their par­ents!
… and the patholo­gies (of the par­ents, freshly imprinted on their kids) and their oppo­sites (of course!) get passed around like a child’s game of “Hot Potato”, for gen­er­a­tions…
“We are a vast army of emo­tional crip­ples.” Ing­mar Bergman
We now live in a world where the cul­tural value of “char­ac­ter” has been replaced with the notion of “per­son­al­ity”.
Could any­one and/or any­thing be as inhu­man as so-called ‘humans’?
“You don’t see THEM fuck­ing each other over for a per­cent­age…“
Sigour­ney Weaver in the Alien series, speak­ing of the aliens (vs. humans)
My two cents?
Try to be and do good, keep doing that shadow work, and keep your sense of humor!
Best, E&J

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