In the last few years since I’ve been selling The Relationship Saver and coaching people in their relationships, I have come to see an interesting trend in age-old beliefs and behaviors taken for granted, never questioning whether they work or if there is a better way to do things. Namely, there are two things that we presume come to us naturally: relationships and parenting. What we mean by naturally is that we should have inborn knowledge of the best way to be in a relationship as well as to rear our children. In fact, there are very few behaviors that are genetically programmed and they are mostly about basic survival. The way we learn about relationships and parenting is from our parents and the way they learned it is from their parents and so on. So, what we know about relationships and parenting is largely learned behavior and has very little to do with “natural” knowledge. Acquiring knowledge in this way might have been okay 5,000 years ago when tribal structures were dominant and necessary in order to assure the survival of the tribe. However, most of us do not live in tribes any more and the knowledge that we acquire from our parents – which happens mostly on a subconscious level – is far from enough to fulfill our desires for being in a great relationship or bring up mentally healthy children.
It is curious to observe how far different branches of science and philosophy have come in learning about human behavior as individuals and in societies, and yet the general population is largely unaware of the knowledge available to them. Tribal cultural pressure still dominates our way of thinking; we still think that we “should naturally know” how to create great relationships and rear happy children. We are able to go to the moon and discover the secrets of the universe, but we are unable to educate our population in these two basic areas. We go to school to learn all sorts of things to make us more able to get a “job” and make money but when it comes to relationship and parenting our ignorance is painfully obvious.
I have come to believe that the most important subjects throughout the school years should be Relationships because the “quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.” Of course, if that ever happens — which I doubt it will any time soon since schools are not interested in our happiness — I will have to change my profession as a relationship coach, and I’d be happy to do so, not because I do not enjoy it, but because my dream would be fulfilled.