Lust vs. Love

lust |ləst|

noun

very strong sex­ual desire : he knew that his lust for her had returned.

[in sing. ] a pas­sion­ate desire for some­thing : a lust for power.

(usu. lusts) chiefly The­ol­ogy a sen­sual appetite regarded as sin­ful : lusts of the flesh.

Yes, of course, we all know the dif­fer­ence. We talk about love, sing songs, write poems and recite quotes, express it to oth­ers, cher­ish it and gen­er­ally put it on an emo­tional pedestal. We all know that “Love makes the world go round.” Or, do we some­times con­fuse that ever present and overused word “love”, with another word which is “sin­ful”, not to be men­tioned in not only polite soci­ety, but some­how regarded as weak­ness prop­a­gated for cen­turies by most reli­gions as unde­sir­able. This dreaded word is, of course you’ve guessed it, LUST.

Yet, I sug­gest that these two words, love and lust, are much more inter­change­able in our lives than we would like to admit. This some­how applies to men more often than women, which is not to say that women are immune to lust. On the con­trary, it can be just as strong a dri­ving force in a rela­tion­ship although most of the time does not lead to a long-lasting and happy partnership.

Of course, as we can see from the def­i­n­i­tion above, lust is closely con­nected with sex. Although you may lust for money or ice cream, this is not what we are talk­ing about here.

This arti­cle is about being able to dis­tin­guish between love and sex. Why, you may ask. As I men­tioned in pre­vi­ous arti­cles, being present to, and con­scious of what is real and what we imag­ine in our own minds can and will make the dif­fer­ence in your abil­ity to make sound choices and cre­ate your own hap­pi­ness. How many bro­ken rela­tion­ships and mar­riages have you known that started with a cou­ple being “madly in love.” Maybe it was one of your own. The divorce rate in the mil­i­tary is about 80–90% mostly due to young peo­ple hav­ing sex for the first time, falling in love (read: lust) and get­ting mar­ried, and the num­bers tell you what the out­come is for the most part.

How many times have you con­fused love and lust? How many times have you told a woman that you love her just to get her into bed. How many times have you actu­ally believed it if you are a woman? What were the con­se­quences? How many hearts have been bro­ken because peo­ple could not dis­tin­guish between the two?

Men and women usu­ally “fall in love” for dif­fer­ent rea­sons. Real, uncon­di­tional love has noth­ing to do with this phrase. For men, qual­i­ties, which mostly have to do with sex, i.e. looks, are impor­tant. By their good looks women are sub­con­sciously flaunt­ing their fer­til­ity. And, women know very well how to do it: thus, make-up, tat­toos, boob implants, high heels and such. For a woman, what is more impor­tant is the approval of her attrac­tive­ness and man’s abil­ity to sat­isfy her other needs. For a woman lust is rarely first on the list. Be aware, if sex hap­pens to be first on your list if you are a woman, run as fast as you can if you do not want an almost cer­tain break up in the near future.

This is in a nut­shell, how we oper­ate in rela­tion­ships. Our wants and needs go hand in hand. Nature has designed our mat­ing game to per­fec­tion. Our “self­ish genes” are ful­fill­ing their self­ish agenda very well — too well some­times. (There are 6,500,000,000 peo­ple on earth mostly poor and strug­gling for survival.)

Yet, we like to think of our­selves as con­scious beings in con­trol of our actions and lives. Noth­ing can be fur­ther from the truth; lust and sex are the most ancient and the strongest impulses that are hard to con­trol. Yet there is hope. The vehi­cle to knowl­edge is lan­guage. The vehi­cle to wis­dom and hap­pi­ness is the con­stant expan­sion of our aware­ness of the dis­tinc­tion between real­ity and our inter­pre­ta­tions of it. In other words, call­ing a spade a spade might help. Timely dis­tin­guish­ing between lust and love may save you from a life­time of suffering.

In the end I would like to make clear that despite what the church, your mother or soci­ety says, there is noth­ing wrong with “lust of the flash. Lust is a hormone-driven nat­ural process aimed at repro­duc­tion and it is hard to fight. As long as we do not con­fuse it with love we can put it to our ser­vice instead of being its slave.

Love and lust! Just know the difference.

Radomir

http://www.RelationshipSaver.org/

http://www.GamelessRelationship.com/

Share

Relationships On Automatic

Yes­ter­day we went to see the movie 500 Days of Sum­mer. It was a love story, a rela­tion­ship story, which left me very unset­tled and frus­trated. As I was leav­ing the the­ater I kept ask­ing myself, what was it that was mak­ing me so uncom­fort­able, even angry? Since anger almost always comes from loss of power, I started search­ing for the source of the pow­er­less­ness that I felt.  Then it dawned on me that the char­ac­ters in the movie had no con­trol over their feel­ings and actions and they did not know why or how things were hap­pen­ing to them. Obvi­ously I was iden­ti­fy­ing with the male char­ac­ter in the movie. Both of them were like leaves in the wind of life. It all was very real. I bet that the screen­writ­ers Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber must have had sim­i­lar expe­ri­ences to be able to make a movie this powerful.

Such behav­iors which are com­pletely auto­matic, with which we are so force­fully genet­i­cally pro­grammed that we are pow­er­less when faced with it, are preva­lent in humans and although they may be counter pro­duc­tive in today’s soci­ety, they pos­i­tively rule our lives.  In order to start solv­ing a prob­lem, one must first cor­rectly iden­tify the core of the prob­lem. So, this led me to the ques­tion: “If I had to choose one thing that dri­ves each gen­der what would it be?”

From all my expe­ri­ence with peo­ple’ s rela­tion­ships, as well as my own, I came to the con­clu­sion that the bot­tom line rea­son for female behav­iors is SURVIVAL and for males it is CONTROL. Many peo­ple would say that feel­ings are what drive women, and power and sta­tus are what drive men, but both boil down to sur­vival and con­trol. This totally makes sense when you con­sider that women are directly respon­si­ble for the sur­vival of the species and that “self­ish gene.” On the other hand, man’s duty is to pro­tect and ensure that their “self­ish gene” will sur­vive too and the best way to do that is to make some sense and order and take con­trol of this world.

So is there any­thing we can do about it? Yes, I think so and that is to stop resist­ing our nat­ural devel­op­ment, EVOLUTION. We must evolve in order to sur­vive. By evolv­ing I mean adapt­ing to the ever-growing com­plex­ity of the prob­lems we face.  Here we are again, hav­ing to iden­tify a prob­lem before we can tackle it. So, In order to over­come our thou­sands of years of pro­gram­ming we must repro­gram our genetic infor­ma­tion and bring it up to date.  (Sci­en­tists are find­ing that it is not only pos­si­ble but that is nat­u­rally hap­pen­ing all the time from gen­er­a­tion to gen­er­a­tion. Our actions and behav­iors today will impact gen­er­a­tions to come.) The first step is to stop resist­ing it and argu­ing against it and become aware and present to its power over us, dis­tin­guish it as such, as often out­dated auto­matic behav­ior and bring our free choice into play. Are we ready for it? Some are and some are not. Only the future will tell.  So, go and see the movie and try to look at it through the lens of sur­vival and con­trol for woman and man respectively.

Radomir

http://www.RelationshipSaver.org/

http://www.GamelessRelationship.com/


Google Analytics Alternative

Share

Love In Relationships

After buy­ing and read­ing the Rela­tion­ship Saver, some peo­ple ask for coach­ing. One of the most fre­quent rea­sons they men­tion for their part­ner leav­ing them is either they say their part­ner does not love them, or is not in love with them any more. These two may sound very sim­i­lar and peo­ple may eas­ily con­fuse the two, but dis­tin­guish­ing them is cru­cial for under­stand­ing what is really going on.

Being in love or falling in love is a tem­po­rary affair. It never lasts for very long. Peo­ple inevitably fall out of love. Lust is very often con­fused with being in love. Both have the same pri­mal pur­pose of mak­ing babies. One can either trans­form that feel­ing into the action of lov­ing some­one or not. In the lat­ter case peo­ple often leave.

To love some­one is a con­scious choice. It is not a feel­ing – it is a doing; an action of lov­ing. Lov­ing some­one is to love as opposed to be in love.

Also, there are dif­fer­ent ways to love some­one or some­thing. You can love con­di­tion­ally or uncon­di­tion­ally. Most peo­ple love some­one or some­thing because of some­thing. Think about what it is that you love about your part­ner. Is that why you love him/her? We love our part­ners because they are good look­ing, well off, funny, have long hair, smart, edu­cated, strong, for­giv­ing, obe­di­ent etc., take your pick. The prob­lem with this kind of love is that when the rea­son dis­ap­pears or changes you will say: I don’t love you any more. And, I am out of here or, I’ll stick around, but I will not be happy and you will know it.

Now the most reward­ing, free­ing, lib­er­at­ing, ful­fill­ing and reward­ing kind of love is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. I under­stand that it is much eas­ier for a mother to give uncon­di­tional love to her child. Most moth­ers are uncon­di­tion­ally pro­grammed to love their chil­dren unconditionally.

What does it mean to love with­out con­di­tions attached? It means accept­ing the other exactly the way they are and exactly the way they are not. Think­ing that peo­ple, or the world, or life should some­how be some­thing else and blame them for not being the way you think they should be, that they are not cre­ated in your image of them bor­ders with insan­ity. 

So the first step is accep­tance of your part­ner for what she/he is, NOW. It is impor­tant to under­stand that fight­ing what is, is point­less. It is what it is and at that moment can­not be any­thing different.

So, get with the pro­gram; imple­ment the sec­ond step towards an uncon­di­tional love and GIVE UP your fan­tasies about how things or peo­ple should be.

At this point you may start argu­ing with me that it is impos­si­ble, unre­al­is­tic, that you do not know how to do that, why should you do it when he/she _____________ (fill in the blank).

First, hav­ing the uncon­di­tional love in your life is totally your choice. No con­di­tions on that one either. I am sure that you can find many rea­sons for not being able, or not want­ing to do it. It is, as usual, up to you. Uncon­di­tional Love is avail­able to you for the tak­ing (read: express­ing). If you want to be pow­er­ful in life, love uncon­di­tion­ally. Be free and loved, happy and inde­pen­dent. You do not need any­one to love you. Love lives inside of you ready and wait­ing and want­ing to be unleashed. Are you afraid? Fine, love anyway.

Love
Radomir

The Rela­tion­ship Saver

Share

 

; var sc_security=""; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_click_stat=1; // ]]>