Natural” Relationships

In the last few years since I’ve been sell­ing The Rela­tion­ship Saver and coach­ing peo­ple in their rela­tion­ships, I have come to see an inter­est­ing trend in age-old beliefs and behav­iors taken for granted, never ques­tion­ing whether they work or if there is a bet­ter way to do things. Namely, there are two things that we pre­sume come to us nat­u­rally: rela­tion­ships and par­ent­ing. What we mean by nat­u­rally is that we should have inborn knowl­edge of the best way to be in a rela­tion­ship as well as to rear our chil­dren. In fact, there are very few behav­iors that are genet­i­cally pro­grammed and they are mostly about basic sur­vival. The way we learn about rela­tion­ships and par­ent­ing is from our par­ents and the way they learned it is from their par­ents and so on. So, what we know about rela­tion­ships and par­ent­ing is largely learned behav­ior and has very lit­tle to do with “nat­ural” knowl­edge. Acquir­ing knowl­edge in this way might have been okay 5,000 years ago when tribal struc­tures were dom­i­nant and nec­es­sary in order to assure the sur­vival of the tribe. How­ever, most of us do not live in tribes any more and the knowl­edge that we acquire from our par­ents – which hap­pens mostly on a sub­con­scious level – is far from enough to ful­fill our desires for being in a great rela­tion­ship or bring up men­tally healthy children.

It is curi­ous to observe how far dif­fer­ent branches of sci­ence and phi­los­o­phy have come in learn­ing about human behav­ior as indi­vid­u­als and in soci­eties, and yet the gen­eral pop­u­la­tion is largely unaware of the knowl­edge avail­able to them. Tribal cul­tural pres­sure still dom­i­nates our way of think­ing; we still think that we “should nat­u­rally know” how to cre­ate great rela­tion­ships and rear happy chil­dren. We are able to go to the moon and dis­cover the secrets of the uni­verse, but we are unable to edu­cate our pop­u­la­tion in these two basic areas. We go to school to learn all sorts of things to make us more able to get a “job” and make money but when it comes to rela­tion­ship and par­ent­ing our igno­rance is painfully obvious.

I have come to believe that the most impor­tant sub­jects through­out the school years should be Rela­tion­ships because the “qual­ity of our rela­tion­ships deter­mines the qual­ity of our lives.” Of course, if that ever hap­pens — which I doubt it will any time soon since schools are not inter­ested in our hap­pi­ness — I will have to change my pro­fes­sion as a rela­tion­ship coach, and I’d be happy to do so, not because I do not enjoy it, but because my dream would be fulfilled.



; var sc_security=""; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_click_stat=1; // ]]>