Sometimes it’s good to be reminded of some basics, which may be very obvious once brought to your attention, but which we rarely apply in our day-to-day dealings with our partners in our relationships.
So, here it is: OUR THINKING CREATES OUR DESTINY. I am not claiming that this is THE truth, but if you regard it as such your life will change for the better. We, our physical bodies, are the executioners of our will. Everything starts with thought. Nothing happens without it. Check it out if you do not believe me: your next move depends on what you are thinking NOW. And, it is always NOW. Later becomes now and past whenever it happened, always happened in what was then NOW. No one can put thoughts in your head. No one can make you think anything. Thinking is a process that starts and finishes inside your mind. It often looks as if someone made us have certain thoughts, but that is in fact impossible. All they do is they trigger some memories and beliefs that we keep close and dear and when they are challenged or confirmed we REACT with our thoughts. These thoughts generate feelings. There is no feeling without a thought except a physical pain when we get cut, burned or hit. (This point can be argued as well, but I will not go into it at this point.)
Can you see how this can apply to your relating to other people? Just because we are not aware that we are the creators of our thoughts and/or are not willing to take responsibility for it, we tend to blame others for our destiny, for how our life and our relationships go. By passing on our responsibility to others we willingly give power to others to create our destiny and in return reserve the right to blame them and make them wrong. This is the way of the victim, and I can see how being a victim can be comforting. Having no responsibilities is like being a child again, no power and seemingly no worries. Being an adult means, to a large extent taking responsibility for your actions. And, since every action (and inaction) starts with a thought, your freedom and the wellbeing of your relationship starts with your conscious action for taking responsibility for what goes on inside your head. Your future, your life and your destiny depend on it, no more and no less.