To Be Or Not To Be … Attractive?

Am I attrac­tive? The bot­tom line truth is: you are and you are not. It depends on to whom you are talk­ing and what you mean by attrac­tive. Why do we play this “attrac­tive” game when we don’t know what we want to achieve by try­ing so hard to be attrac­tive? When you make your­self attrac­tive do you want to attract every­one or most peo­ple, or just one par­tic­u­lar per­son? Many would say some­thing like: “I am doing it for myself. I don’t care what oth­ers think. It makes me feel good.” Fair enough, it makes you feel good. But the rest of it is a lie and you know it. Thus, mil­lions of dol­lars and other cur­ren­cies are spent on mak­ing our­selves more and more attrac­tive in order to attract our soul mates, to boost our ego when oth­ers give us com­pli­ments, etc. So, by attrac­tive, we usu­ally mean sex­u­ally attrac­tive, or some­thing to do with looks any­way. Being attrac­tive to peo­ple we have never met is impor­tant for the first con­tact and with­out the first con­tact we can­not have the rest. This ratio­nale is a sound one. Unfor­tu­nately being attrac­tive in such a way is often false adver­tis­ing and although it may lead to an inter­est­ing sex­ual encounter, it more often than not results in unsuc­cess­ful long-term relationships.

Men like to look and women like to be looked at. Deep inside, instinc­tively and uncon­sciously, men look for fer­til­ity signs in women. Men can­not have chil­dren; only women can, so it is of the utmost impor­tance for a man to find a woman who will bear him many healthy chil­dren. Although these fer­til­ity signs may vary from cul­ture to cul­ture and change with time, men nev­er­the­less always look for sex­ual attrac­tion in a woman. Of course, women are always aware of it so they do their best to com­ply and be “attrac­tive” by being slim­mer, hav­ing par­tic­u­lar hair­dos, make-up and clothes; all in tune with the fash­ion of the day. Some of you may not quite agree with this, but that’s how we are pro­grammed and tens of thou­sands of years of pro­gram­ming do not go away so quickly. Think of the time when you were a teenager, when you stepped into adult­hood, when you actu­ally became fer­tile, able to have chil­dren. What were you mostly pre­oc­cu­pied with? Eng­lish lit­er­a­ture? Maybe. But you were mostly inter­ested in things of a roman­tic nature.

On the other hand, what women want from men is mostly secu­rity and pro­tec­tion. For women, attrac­tive men are the ones who are well off, in good health, strong and able to com­mit to long-term rela­tion­ships. So, men drive fancy and expen­sive cars to show their wealth, are suc­cess­ful in busi­ness to show their sta­tus and abil­ity to pro­vide secu­rity and for the same rea­son, go to a gym so that they can be phys­i­cally “attrac­tive” to women.

In a nut­shell, this is the attrac­tion game we play. Does it make sense in the 21st cen­tury, in the west­ern world where there are no saber-tooth tigers to prey on our women and chil­dren and the mor­tal­ity rate is min­i­mal? Of course it doesn’t when you stop and think about it. So what do we do? It depends on what we want. Do we let our­selves act from fear and the out­dated instinct for sur­vival, or are we will­ing to move up the evo­lu­tion­ary lad­der and act from the knowl­edge that all is well? When our instincts were impor­tant we lived in caves or in tribal soci­eties and with­out the appro­pri­ate resources to meet our basic needs so, often we were dri­ven to the brink of extinc­tion. Not so today, despite what the media are telling you. The media want you to be afraid because it serves this con­sumer soci­ety very well … but that is a dif­fer­ent topic. The fact is that there are no saber-tooth tigers any more, but we still behave as if they are around every cor­ner. The divorce rate in this coun­try is more than 50% which means that one in two mar­ried cou­ples even­tu­ally break up. What about all those other rela­tion­ships? How many of them are happy ones? Maybe we should look a lit­tle closer at the way we attract our part­ners and what it is that we are attracted to. Is it falling in love, or hav­ing great sex, or being cool or hot that will bring you a long last­ing rela­tion­ship? What hap­pens when you fall out of love, or are not cool any more because you’ve grown heav­ier? What if he loses his pres­ti­gious posi­tion or his car gets stolen and can­not be replaced? “For bet­ter or worse, for richer or poorer.” Yes, sure. The first thought is often: “I am out of here!”

Ulti­mately, it’s good to know that you can nei­ther BE attrac­tive, nor unat­trac­tive. Attrac­tive­ness is in the eye of the beholder. Some­one may or may not be attracted to you and that deci­sion lies in the mind of that per­son. It is not in the intrin­sic you. So, first you need to decide what it is that you want to adver­tise and who your tar­get mar­ket is. Then, what it is that you are sell­ing, and who you want to attract. All this may sound a lit­tle crude, but that is exactly how it works. Do you want to have sex, or do you want to sell your per­son­al­ity, or your real and authen­tic self? You know what they say about how you look or behave “in the morn­ing when you wake up”? If he loves you then he’ll always love you. If she still loves you when you lose your Porsche, or become poor, there is a big chance she will stay with you.

So, on the one hand you can never be attrac­tive enough for some and you will always be very attrac­tive for some­one else. Am I attract­ing the right peo­ple for the right rea­sons is prob­a­bly the ques­tion you may want to ask before you go to a party.

See you there.

Radomir

The Rela­tion­ship Saver

The Game­less Relationship


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Comments (7)

KattyBlackyard

June 15th, 2009 at 1:10 AM    


The arti­cle is ver good. Write please more

GarykPatton

June 15th, 2009 at 7:47 PM    


Hi! I like your srti­cle and I would like very much to read some more infor­ma­tion on this issue. Will you post some more?

radomir

June 15th, 2009 at 11:23 PM    


Many peo­ple would like to know “more” about this issue. I assure you that all the knowl­edge about this sub­ject you already have. All you need to do is prac­tice being truth­ful as to real rea­sons why you are doing what­ever you are doing to attract some­one, or being too casual and slovenly which is the other side of the same coin. Do the real­ity check: What are your rela­tion­ships like? If you can relate well, fine, you don’t need to know any more. Hone your skills. Enjoy your life. If your rela­tion­ships suck, look into what’s miss­ing, not in other peo­ple, but in your way of being. The Game­less Rela­tion­ship at http://www.GamelessRelationship.com/ will tell you what are the four ingre­di­ents of a “per­fect” rela­tion­ship. It may sur­prise you. See how much of the four prin­ci­ples you actu­ally apply in your life. It may sur­prise you. (See the post “Rela­tion­ship Test”.) There are much more impor­tant effec­tive and effi­cient ways to be truly attrac­tive and to achieve bet­ter rela­tion­ship, even to get laid, than being, say, fash­ion­able or rich. Check The Game­less Rela­tion­ship out and good luck. Enjoy your life, you have only one chance at it.

Also, read the other arti­cles. Some of them are really good and address sim­i­lar issues.

Best regards,

Radomir
http://www.RelationshipSaver.org/
http://www.GamelessRelationship.com/

CrisBetewsky

July 6th, 2009 at 11:53 AM    


Where did you take from such kind of infor­ma­tion? Can you give me the source?

CrisBetewsky

July 6th, 2009 at 12:05 PM    


It’s a mas­ter­piece. I have never thought peo­ple can have such ideas and thoughts. You are great.

Michael

July 7th, 2009 at 8:43 AM    


Excel­lent source of infor­ma­tion. Thank you for the Game­less Relationship.

Rachel

August 7th, 2009 at 1:43 AM    


Ha ha…the source IS Radomir.
I for one am very glad I ‘stum­bled’ across him. He ‘saved my rela­tion­ship’ by sav­ing ME. Attrac­tive­ness is all part of that…attractiveness is about integrity, loy­alty, love, for­give­ness, respon­si­bil­ity to your­self and oth­ers. Some­one may look phys­i­cally amaz­ing, but ulti­mately, you will only want to know them as friends/lovers if they have the above ingre­di­ents as well.
Humans are great…but can you imag­ine if every­one was per­fect the way they were and per­fect they way they were not and every­one accepted this…life and all it’s tribu­la­tions would be very dull. Life gets painful some­times for good rea­son. It’s painful because you need to learn something.

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