Okay, let’s start at the beginning. This is old news, but we rarely get at the most basic causes of why it is so difficult for a relationship to work out smoothly. The most general conclusion is that men and women are very different. That’s why we have the “opposite” sex. And truly opposite it is. Not only are we obviously different biologically, but we have different interests, goals, and reasons for doing things in our lives. Our survival strategies are also different. Our “buttons” get pushed for different reasons.
To understand why this is so, we must first look at the interests of our maker. And I do not mean God. I mean our genes, the very intelligence that God has created you might say, that has designed us to be the way we are. Now, genes have one and only one interest on their “mind” and that is to replicate themselves. For that purpose they use us humans as a tool for their replication. We are now talking about human genetic programming. This program has been in operation for hundreds of thousands of years. At this point you may ask: and what has that to do with my husband/wife leaving me? It may have everything to do with it, just bear with me for a moment.
What I am about to say may not apply fully to every woman or man, but it is way more prevalent than you may think. Remember, most of it is not done consciously; it is completely automatic. We are for the most part clueless about why we do the things we do, especially the things that do not serve us or contribute to our happiness and well-being. By the way, genes do not give a damn if we are happy or not as long as we reproduce. The proof is in the pudding. There are more than 6,000,000,000 of us today mostly poor, hungry, suffering and unhappy; double since 40 years ago.
The answer may lie in our genetic programming. Men cannot bear children and they need women if they want their genes to continue to prosper. They will use any strategy to seduce a woman and have sex with her. The more women they have sex with the better. Competition is fierce for young and healthy fertile women. Powerful men, men who dominate other men, and men who can recognize opportunity quickly have more chance to reproduce their genes. These traits are much more pronounced in men then in women even in areas that have apparently nothing to do with sex.
Women, on the other hand, have much more to risk if they are going to engage in sex. They do not jump at the first opportunity they are patient. Also, they have a finite number of eggs and can have only one child per year as opposed to men who produces millions of sperms a day and can make several children in a day (theoretically). In order to see that they reproduce as healthy genes as possible and be secure during pregnancy and beyond they have to carefully choose with whom they have sex with. So women look for a man who can give them security, who will display commitment to them and the family and a man who is willing to constantly invest in them materially, emotionally and time-wise.
As you can see the interests of a man and a woman are on the opposite sides of the spectrum, thus we have the opposite sex.
Life in the past in smaller communities was heavily regulated and couples did not separate as often as they do today. There are too many conflicting messages in today’s society which make it very difficult to make sound conscious choices, especially when we are not aware of our instinctual drives and how they influence us.
This is by no means the complete picture, but I am sure that you will be able to see how our thoughts, feelings and behaviors are quite automatically driven by the different ways that men and women see their best interest in propagating their genetic material. Different cultures have been trying to regulate these automatic behaviors in different ways, but this is a topic for the next post. This is obviously not a very new topic, although it may be for some of you. Stay tuned, have happy holidays and try to understand and show more compassion for your partners. Forgive them, they do not know why they are doing what deep inside they don’t want to do.
Learn compassion and understand.