Why We Have Problems In Our Relationships?

Okay, let’s start at the begin­ning. This is old news, but we rarely get at the most basic causes of why it is so dif­fi­cult for a rela­tion­ship to work out smoothly. The most gen­eral con­clu­sion is that men and women are very dif­fer­ent. That’s why we have the “oppo­site” sex. And truly oppo­site it is. Not only are we obvi­ously dif­fer­ent bio­log­i­cally, but we have dif­fer­ent inter­ests, goals, and rea­sons for doing things in our lives. Our sur­vival strate­gies are also dif­fer­ent. Our “but­tons” get pushed for dif­fer­ent reasons.

To under­stand why this is so, we must first look at the inter­ests of our maker. And I do not mean God. I mean our genes, the very intel­li­gence that God has cre­ated you might say, that has designed us to be the way we are. Now, genes have one and only one inter­est on their “mind” and that is to repli­cate them­selves. For that pur­pose they use us humans as a tool for their repli­ca­tion. We are now talk­ing about human genetic pro­gram­ming. This pro­gram has been in oper­a­tion for hun­dreds of thou­sands of years. At this point you may ask: and what has that to do with my husband/wife leav­ing me? It may have every­thing to do with it, just bear with me for a moment.

What I am about to say may not apply fully to every woman or man, but it is way more preva­lent than you may think. Remem­ber, most of it is not done con­sciously; it is com­pletely auto­matic. We are for the most part clue­less about why we do the things we do, espe­cially the things that do not serve us or con­tribute to our hap­pi­ness and well-being. By the way, genes do not give a damn if we are happy or not as long as we repro­duce. The proof is in the pud­ding. There are more than 6,000,000,000 of us today mostly poor, hun­gry, suf­fer­ing and unhappy; dou­ble since 40 years ago.

The answer may lie in our genetic pro­gram­ming. Men can­not bear chil­dren and they need women if they want their genes to con­tinue to pros­per. They will use any strat­egy to seduce a woman and have sex with her. The more women they have sex with the bet­ter. Com­pe­ti­tion is fierce for young and healthy fer­tile women. Pow­er­ful men, men who dom­i­nate other men, and men who can rec­og­nize oppor­tu­nity quickly have more chance to repro­duce their genes. These traits are much more pro­nounced in men then in women even in areas that have appar­ently noth­ing to do with sex.

Women, on the other hand, have much more to risk if they are going to engage in sex. They do not jump at the first oppor­tu­nity they are patient. Also, they have a finite num­ber of eggs and can have only one child per year as opposed to men who pro­duces mil­lions of sperms a day and can make sev­eral chil­dren in a day (the­o­ret­i­cally). In order to see that they repro­duce as healthy genes as pos­si­ble and be secure dur­ing preg­nancy and beyond they have to care­fully choose with whom they have sex with. So women look for a man who can give them secu­rity, who will dis­play com­mit­ment to them and the fam­ily and a man who is will­ing to con­stantly invest in them mate­ri­ally, emo­tion­ally and time-wise.

As you can see the inter­ests of a man and a woman are on the oppo­site sides of the spec­trum, thus we have the oppo­site sex.

Life in the past in smaller com­mu­ni­ties was heav­ily reg­u­lated and cou­ples did not sep­a­rate as often as they do today. There are too many con­flict­ing mes­sages in today’s soci­ety which make it very dif­fi­cult to make sound con­scious choices, espe­cially when we are not aware of our instinc­tual dri­ves and how they influ­ence us.

This is by no means the com­plete pic­ture, but I am sure that you will be able to see how our thoughts, feel­ings and behav­iors are quite auto­mat­i­cally dri­ven by the dif­fer­ent ways that men and women see their best inter­est in prop­a­gat­ing their genetic mate­r­ial. Dif­fer­ent cul­tures have been try­ing to reg­u­late these auto­matic behav­iors in dif­fer­ent ways, but this is a topic for the next post. This is obvi­ously not a very new topic, although it may be for some of you. Stay tuned, have happy hol­i­days and try to under­stand and show more com­pas­sion for your part­ners. For­give them, they do not know why they are doing what deep inside they don’t want to do.

Learn com­pas­sion and understand.

Best

Radomir

The Rela­tion­ship Saver

The Game­less Relationship


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Comments (1)

Scylla

December 20th, 2009 at 6:25 AM    


This is such a fan­tas­tic expla­na­tion, Thankyou you demisti­fied what I was very unsure of. Thankyou once again.

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